I was about eight or nine when I first experienced the magic of The Princess Bride. If you haven’t seen it yet, I highly recommend pausing your reading to watch this iconic film, as it’s truly a cinematic treasure. For those familiar with the story, remember the moment when Westley responds to Buttercup’s every request with “As you wish”? Over time, she realizes that his words convey a deeper sentiment: “I love you.” That scene is heartwarming, and it resonates with audiences every time.
I always thought I understood love, or at least the early stages of it, which often seem centered on sacrifice. However, after spending 10, 20, or even 30 years together, that initial sentiment can sometimes be overshadowed by the silence that often creeps in—a silence that exists between two individuals who are still in love but struggle to communicate effectively.
This was the reality for a couple named Mark and Lisa, who found themselves drifting apart after many years of marriage. In a poignant blog post that gained widespread attention, Mark shared that they married young, at just 21, and entered the relationship with unrealistic expectations. Many couples experience this: they imagine a perfect union only to confront the daily grind of arguments over mundane issues, like how to load the dishwasher.
Mark admits that while he loves his wife, their relationship had transformed from the sweet “as you wish” to the exasperated “can you please take care of this child before I lose my mind?”
One day, while taking a shower, Mark reached a breaking point. He realized he couldn’t change Lisa, but he could change himself. So, he began asking her one simple question every morning: “How can I make your day better?”
Let’s take a moment to reflect on that question. Life can be overwhelming—juggling marriage, children, and work is like trying to push a massive boulder uphill. When someone in your life offers to help lighten that burden, it’s a powerful gesture, right?
At first, Lisa wasn’t quite sure how to react. She started by asking Mark to tackle chores like cleaning the kitchen and garage. However, just as Buttercup realized the depth of Westley’s love through his actions, Lisa too had an epiphany. One day, she responded, “I should be asking you that,” and suggested, “Can we just spend some quality time together?”
Now, both Mark and Lisa ask each other that same question every morning, which has dramatically improved the quality of their marriage.
Some of you may be skeptical about taking the initiative to do something for your partner, feeling overwhelmed with your own responsibilities. You might think, “Why should I have to do more?” But from Mark’s perspective, his realization was that he shared the responsibility for their marriage’s state. “I’m not as great a guy as I thought I was,” he confessed. “I have a lot of baggage, and I was quick to blame her for our issues.” That kind of self-awareness is crucial.
It’s important to ensure that this request for help comes from a sincere place. This should not become a manipulative tactic, but rather a genuine effort to rekindle a struggling relationship. If you’re in a situation where asking such a question could lead to further manipulation by a controlling partner, it’s best to exercise caution. However, if your relationship is generally healthy but perhaps a bit stagnant, asking how you can help each other requires a significant amount of humility. Ultimately, love and marriage demand humility.
The hope is that if your partner feels loved, they will reciprocate the sentiment and begin asking how they can improve your day as well, just as it did for Mark and Lisa.
There is no magic solution to marriage problems; I wish there were. But this simple question can be an effective way to enhance your relationship if both partners are willing to invest in it. Tomorrow, I plan to ask my husband this question, and I hope he’ll return the favor.
For more insights on improving your relationship, check out this excellent resource on donor insemination. And if you’re interested in boosting fertility, consider exploring our post on fertility supplements. For additional relationship advice, visit Modern Family Blog.
Summary
Mark and Lisa revitalized their marriage by asking each other a simple yet profound question every morning: “How can I make your day better?” This approach fostered communication and appreciation, highlighting the importance of humility and mutual support in a long-term relationship.