As parents, we often find ourselves in a position where we inadvertently speak on behalf of our kids. Take, for instance, the scenario at a restaurant. “I want a cheeseburger and fries,” my six-year-old declares enthusiastically. “Tell the waiter,” I respond, gesturing towards the server, who is either melting at the cuteness or rolling their eyes in annoyance. “And remember to be polite.”
With a deep breath, my son confidently states, “I would like a cheeseburger and fries, please. With ketchup. And a Sprite.” This isn’t just a cute moment; it’s a crucial lesson in self-advocacy. I encourage my children to order for themselves and even my four-year-old is included. This practice isn’t rooted in the notion that my children are uniquely adorable, but rather in the understanding that they need to learn to express themselves and navigate the world.
This is especially important as they grow. We often hear complaints about younger generations—Millennials and Gen Z—struggling to manage their own affairs. Critics argue that parents are too involved, calling professors about grades or attending job interviews alongside their children. This dependency is concerning. It’s imperative that we empower our kids to step up and take charge of their own lives, starting now.
That’s why I have my children approach the counter at a popular fast-food joint, hand in hand, to claim their ice cream cones. They learn essential social skills: waiting in line, practicing good manners, and interacting with strangers. While some people are horrified at the idea of my kids doing this alone, others admire their determination.
I also encourage them to initiate playdates. After discussing it with me, they respectfully ask their friends’ parents for arrangements. They stand tall, accept any response gracefully, and often come prepared with alternative times in mind. If they need to inquire about fishing gear or the location of a specific toy in a store, they’re the ones who take the initiative. This practice fosters not only confidence but a recognition of others as individuals deserving of their attention.
In a school setting—though my kids are homeschooled—they would handle their own communications with teachers. Coming from a family of educators, I know how often teachers must contact parents about minor academic issues. This is simply unacceptable. Children must learn to confront their challenges directly. In high school, I was responsible for addressing discrepancies in my grades without involving my parents. That’s the kind of independence I wish for my children.
I want them to navigate life’s hurdles without relying on me. Not because I don’t care, but because the world is complex, and they must learn to face it head-on—whether it’s managing a coffee order or dealing with a bank statement. They handle their transactions, count out their own money, and carry their purchases. They even manage their library books, except for the youngest, of course.
Ultimately, the goal is for my children to develop the confidence to engage with adults on their own terms, without my intervention. They are transitioning into adulthood, and I want them to be prepared.
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Summary
Teaching children to advocate for themselves is essential in their development. Encouraging them to order their own meals, initiate playdates, and handle situations independently fosters confidence and prepares them for adulthood. Parents should step back and let their children learn to navigate the world on their own.