As a mother of three, I often reflect on how little time my partner, Alex, and I have dedicated to each other since our eldest child, Max, entered our lives. With Max now five, our dating history in that time can be counted on one hand. You could literally wave goodbye to the idea of frequent couple outings with that one hand.
Sure, we’ve had our moments away, but they haven’t been the traditional dates you dream about—sipping wine at a cozy restaurant with real tablecloths instead of paper menus. Most of our outings have been limited to short jaunts to the movies while my mother quietly entertained the kids at home, sticking to Oscar-nominated films only. Anything else felt like a waste of our precious time.
We’ve also indulged in what we call “fancy lunch.” This isn’t an official term, but it refers to dining at upscale Italian or French establishments where the ambiance is just right. We’d order three courses, savor a glass of wine, and pretend we were enjoying dinner. However, the reality hit us when we left those restaurants around three in the afternoon, blinking into the sunlight, only to return home and immediately switch back into our parenting roles—cooking dinner and reading bedtime stories when all we truly wanted was to collapse in exhaustion.
It wasn’t that we lacked the desire to go out; it was the circumstances that kept us tethered at home. For the first two years of Max’s life, dates were a distant dream. Born prematurely at thirty weeks, he came home from a three-month NICU stay with a tracheotomy, suction machine, and oxygen monitor. We couldn’t simply hand over medical equipment to a babysitter; even I questioned my own qualifications to care for him. But as I adapted to his needs, I grew proud of our few escape attempts amidst the chaos.
After two years, when Max no longer required the trach, we finally ventured out for our first real date, trusting my mother with him. Who better than Grandma, now that we’d packed away the monitors and feeding tubes? We found ourselves at a vineyard, enjoying wine on a hillside under twinkling lights, and it felt like a breath of fresh air.
But then life threw us another curveball—I became pregnant with twins. Suddenly, even Grandma had her hands full. Max, while medically stable, required a lot of attention, and with two new infants in the picture, our dates took a backseat again. Instead, Jody and I found ourselves taking long walks around the block, airing out our frustrations and thoughts in the fleeting moments of calm between feedings and diaper changes. While therapeutic, these strolls didn’t quite replace the bonding experiences we craved.
One evening, amidst a dinner of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, I noticed the gray in Alex’s beard. It dawned on me that I hadn’t really looked at him in what felt like ages. “Hey,” I called out, poking him with my toe. “We seriously need to escape this house. Just the two of us, no kids, dressed up, and out after dark.”
Saying it out loud turned a vague thought into a plan. Our kids were older now, and I understood the importance of maintaining our relationship. I reached out gently through social media to find a babysitter who could handle our unique situation, ultimately discovering a wonderful caregiver named Sarah from Max’s preschool. Now, with Sarah’s help, we’ve managed to carve out an average of one date night per month, a significant upgrade from our previous outings.
Last week, we attended a wedding—perhaps the ultimate date night opportunity. With free food, drinks, and dancing, we made the most of it. It had been a decade since I’d walked down the aisle, but that night, we danced harder and longer than anyone else on the floor. We’ve certainly earned those moments.
In summary, while my partner and I have only been out on five official dates over the past five years, we’ve learned to find joy in our small escapes and the importance of nurturing our relationship. If you’re in a similar boat, check out resources on family dynamics and maintaining relationships at Modern Family Blog and consider exploring at-home insemination options for your family journey at Make a Mom. For more detailed information on conception, Wikipedia is an excellent resource.