To anyone who overlooks my son’s sensory challenges:
Yes, he’s a selective eater. Yes, his dietary choices might seem limited. Yes, he recognizes that Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn’t a food group. And yes, even when he’s hungry, he won’t touch your (insert anything here that isn’t Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Vanilla Oreos, Velveeta Shells & Cheese, pizza, apples, or Pringles). It’s not due to being “spoiled.” It’s not because we’re “giving in” to him. And it’s certainly not because we “always let him win.”
It’s also not that your mac and cheese isn’t appealing; it’s simply that he experiences sensory processing difficulties. He won’t eat it today, tomorrow, or even next Thursday. This isn’t about me or you; it’s about him.
You might think, “He’ll eat it when he gets hungry enough,” but the reality is he likely won’t. As a mother who deeply understands, advocates for, and loves him, I refuse to test that theory. Would you be willing to try “just a bite” of something that smells like it’s been left in a dumpster during a hot summer day? Because, to my son, that’s what your mac and cheese may represent.
These sensory sensitivities stem from his autism, not from poor parenting or because he is a “strong-willed child.” His sensory system operates on a heightened alert, processing smells, tastes, sights, and textures differently than most. So, when he declines your mac and cheese, it isn’t meant to hurt your feelings; it’s a form of self-protection. Eating familiar foods makes him feel secure. Even if your mac and cheese is award-winning, to him, it’s an unpredictable threat.
As a child, he would scream, “no, no, no,” when faced with unfamiliar foods. Now that he’s older, he articulates how overwhelming certain foods can be. “My brain and my body will not let that food go in my mouth.” Whether it’s a pungent hard-boiled egg or even a warm, gooey brownie, his brain and body say “no,” and I honor that because I respect him. I just wish you would too.
If you could take the time to read some of the articles, blog posts, and books I’ve suggested, you might gain a better understanding of his sensory needs. You’d likely find yourself spending less time battling him and more time connecting with him. You might recognize how much progress he’s made instead of focusing on what you think he still needs to accomplish. You may start to see him as a person rather than just an untouched plate of food.
During our next visit, consider offering Velveeta Shells & Cheese instead—not as a way of “giving in” or “spoiling him,” but because you care about him, respect him, and want to understand his sensory sensitivities. By learning about this remarkable individual you love, you’ll become more aware, accepting, and compassionate. Perhaps then, you’ll truly see him instead of just the food on his plate.
Sincerely,
Max’s Mom
For more insights on family topics, consider checking out this post on at-home insemination kits. Additionally, if you want to learn more about fertility and pregnancy, this resource from the Cleveland Clinic is excellent.
Summary:
In this heartfelt letter, a mother addresses those who misunderstand her son’s selective eating habits due to his sensory processing challenges related to autism. She emphasizes that his preferences are not a result of poor parenting or stubbornness but rather a protective mechanism stemming from his heightened sensory sensitivities. The mother urges others to educate themselves on these issues, encouraging empathy and understanding rather than judgment.