Lately, I’ve been feeling like my marriage is irreparably damaged—the kind of damage that can’t simply be mended with a weekend getaway or a romantic dinner. At this stage, even suggesting such things feels like tossing a handful of Band-Aids at a broken leg.
I’m not interested in masking the wounds with ointment and hoping they don’t leave scars. We’ve been doing that for far too long. A temporary break isn’t going to suffice this time.
I often think it’s my fault. My emotional foundation feels shaky, and I haven’t been stable for quite a while. Perhaps I’ve relied on him too heavily. My old friend, Anxiety, has been crashing with us more frequently lately and seems to love positioning itself right between us. Plus, I have to admit that I’ve fallen short in the housekeeping department, and he often comes home to find the house resembling a disaster zone. Laundry piling up and no clean boxer shorts for the next day? Sorry, I was too busy making sure our child didn’t choke on the toys covering the floor. You’re welcome.
We’re both exhausted—exhausted in the way you read about, stressed out by the beautiful life we’ve built together. Right now, we lack the time to truly enjoy it, and instead, we find ourselves resenting one another and bickering over trivial matters. Some might say children unite couples, but I believe that’s only true in certain moments—like during childbirth or perhaps at a nursing home. Beyond that? I find it hard to believe.
Our parenting approaches could not be more different. Apparently, I’m the strict one—my “no” means no, while his “maybe” often translates to yes. I feel like I’m the villain in our household, especially when it comes to our teenage child and our little one, which he doesn’t seem to grasp causes me frustration. I spend my days wrangling a toddler, and by the time he gets home, I’m practically at the door, ready to escape. Dinner? That’s a joke at this point.
I genuinely don’t know why I assumed this would be easier. It feels like we’re the only couple grappling with the chaos of our seemingly perfect life because nobody talks about it. Questions like, “Do you ever feel angry at your partner?” are ones I hesitate to ask, fearing the response could be, “Oh my God, how could I? Our life is flawless.” Thanks a lot, June and Ward Cleaver, for making it look so effortless.
Nothing about this is simple. I find myself longing for the marriage we once had. I miss the connection we shared and the unwavering bond we formed before all these wonderful blessings came along and turned our lives upside down. We used to inspire and uplift each other. Together, we could conquer anything. Do you remember that?
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In summary, marriage can be incredibly challenging, especially when faced with the stresses of parenting and life’s demands. It’s important to acknowledge these feelings and seek support when needed.