When my family and I moved to a new state recently, we had our fair share of worries. We needed enough bedrooms to keep the kids from fighting, and I dreamed of living on a cul-de-sac where they could roam freely. My partner wished for a spacious yard suitable for baseball games and gardening. We had a preferred school district in mind and aimed to stay within a 35-minute drive of my partner’s workplace. And, of course, the first thing we did while house hunting was to locate the nearest Costco.
As a family of five, Costco is our go-to for everything: meat, fruit, toilet paper, paper towels, laundry detergent, snacks for school, allergy medications, bottled water, diapers, eggs… the list goes on. Want some wine? Buy it in bulk! Looking for a new TV? Costco has you covered. Lawn chairs? Check. Easter baskets? Yep, you guessed it—Costco!
Given that I’m a regular at this wholesale giant, I feel well-equipped to share some of the truths that come with being a devoted Costco shopper. Here are 12 realities you’ll likely relate to if you share my Costco passion.
- You start with a list and a budget, only to watch in amusement as you blow it by $256-$289. Seriously, how did I arrive at this figure? Let’s just say it’s a scientific finding from the University of My Wallet.
- You might head in for chicken and hamburgers but leave with a kitchen faucet, patio furniture, and five unread books. And just to clarify, you don’t even own a patio.
- If your kids are cranky and you’ve promised them tasty samples to keep them happy, expect the only options to be salmon, beet soup, and wafer crackers. Just as you approach, the pizza and croissant-wrapped hotdog samples will vanish.
- You’ll reluctantly try those wafer crackers and awkwardly linger, feeling guilty about rejecting the sweet sample lady who keeps shouting, “$12.99! Healthy snack!” She reminds you of your grandmother, and you can’t bring yourself to tell her your family wouldn’t touch it—even with candy-flavored whipped cream.
- Even if you skip the wafer crackers, you’ll still end up with at least one sample in your cart, which means you now have a box of 94 egg rolls. Enjoy your family’s new dinner routine of fake Chinese food every day for the next month!
- Good luck finding an employee to help you. The only staff you’ll encounter are the elderly workers who know where to find dark chocolate or hummus, and the cashiers. The vast space in between? That’s a no-man’s land.
- Just when you fall in love with a product, Costco will stop selling it—if only to make you mourn its loss for a while. I’m still not over those margarita chips from 2015.
- If you hand your child the receipt to hold, believing they’ll enjoy the task of handing it to the exit employee, be prepared for them to lose it in the brief time between leaving the register and heading out. Welcome to Costco jail!
- Costco’s cafeteria is the best bargain around. Dining out as a family of five can hit the budget hard, so we often choose Costco’s picnic tables on weekends. Those giant pizza slices are only two bucks! But your kids will insist they can finish one, despite never having done so before. You’ll end up eating the leftover bites from their plates—just like at home!
- As you add a box of frozen tilapia to your cart (in the spirit of health), your child will suddenly announce they need to use the bathroom. They’ll lose their Transformer on the way, and you’ll never see it again. Cue the inevitable meltdown!
- If you start your Costco trip with small children contained in the cart, by the third aisle, your toddler will be wedged between a 10-pound detergent and a bag of frozen chicken, pleading to be let out. You’ll have no choice but to release them, leading to a wild chase from sample station to sample station while you search for the lost Transformer.
- At checkout, the cashier will somehow manage to convince you to upgrade to the pricier “Elite Membership.” Sure, it promises better deals on cars and vacations you’ll never buy, but it’s hard to resist.
You love the chaotic charm of Costco, and while it may drain your wallet and add a few pounds from all those “sample Ghirardelli brownies,” you know you’ll be back. Because on a Saturday morning, when you’re in need of chicken nuggets, a spring plant for Grandma, and a bulk box of baby wipes, there’s simply no better place to be.
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In summary, Costco shopping is a unique experience filled with surprises, from unexpected purchases to memorable moments with your kids. Embrace the chaos, and remember, you’re not alone in this wholesale whirlwind!