Updated: December 17, 2020
Originally Published: March 25, 2018
All we desire is to welcome a son into our family. We’re specifically looking for a teenage boy aged between 15 and 16. I have always dreamed of adopting an older child from foster care, and my husband, a high school educator, is particularly fond of that age group. Additionally, we recognize that many teenagers face the risk of aging out of the foster system without a family. As per the most recent data from the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System, over 111,000 children in the U.S. are awaiting adoption, with 19% of them between the ages of 13-18.
We are open to adopting a teenage boy of any race, and we have committed ourselves to understanding and learning how to parent children from diverse backgrounds. You might think the state would be eager to facilitate our adoption, especially given the high number of children available for adoption in our area. Unfortunately, that’s not the case.
The process of completing our homestudy—essentially a requirement to demonstrate that our home is suitable for an adoptive child—has proven to be far more expensive than we expected. I have been able to manage the costs thanks to a well-paying side job, in addition to my role as a stay-at-home parent. While it’s crucial for the state to ensure that children are placed in safe environments—especially considering the horrific abuse some children face in foster care—I am baffled by how many policies seem to add layers of bureaucracy rather than promote the formation of loving families.
Home Safety Requirements
Take the windows in our home as an example. Every bedroom, not just the child’s, must have windows that open to a minimum of 5 square feet for fire safety reasons. This requirement is absurd; our windows provide about 4 square feet, which is sufficient for an adult to escape in an emergency. Because we fall short of state regulations, we have two choices: replace the windows at a prohibitive cost or install interconnected wireless smoke alarms at a slightly less prohibitive expense.
After consulting with the state fire marshal, we learned that we need eight smoke alarms, each costing around $30. After taxes, the total came to nearly $250. These alarms blare piercing sirens whenever I cook anything, even hot dogs.
Furthermore, the windows must extend down to the floor. Consequently, we can’t place any furniture in front of them—no toys, no shoes, no desks, and no low bookshelves. This mandated change cost us several hundred dollars to remodel our master bedroom, as apparently, I cannot be trusted to navigate around an Ikea cube storage unit in the event of a fire.
Pet Vaccinations
Pet vaccinations add another layer of expense. Although we keep our dogs up-to-date on their shots, we have three, and occasionally, some vaccines slip through the cracks. Our local health department insists on complete vaccination records for every pet in the house, which means we’ve had to make two vet visits per year, costing us between $125 and $150 per dog. That’s a staggering total of $450 for our furry companions. You would think that a rabies tag would suffice.
Physicals and Medication Storage
Then we had to schedule physicals. After social services misplaced my physical form, I had to undergo the tests again. This included three physicals for our kids, along with three for the adults, plus additional lab tests, because they require a current TB screening. I also needed a letter from my psychiatrist confirming my compliance with medication, which comes with its own hefty price tag. It’s frustrating that the state doesn’t require her to evaluate my parenting capabilities, but only to confirm that I take my prescriptions.
All medications in our home must be securely locked up—not merely childproofed. I take 7-8 prescription medications daily, and my husband has asthma and seasonal allergies, meaning we have an extensive collection of over-the-counter remedies. It cost us a significant amount to purchase two large toolboxes to store everything safely; proper medication lockboxes are about $160 each, which we would have needed two of. Now, if someone wants an Advil, they’ll have to locate the padlock key and rummage under my bed for a toolbox.
Additional Requirements
The requirements don’t stop there. Although teenagers are typically old enough to understand safety, we must still secure all cleaning products and hazardous chemicals behind baby-proof locks. This is inane. Even the outlets in our home require covers, including those hidden behind furniture. The expense for all this babyproofing has surged since we last purchased these items back in 1999.
In essence, if we weren’t financially stable, we would have abandoned our dream of adoption long ago. This doesn’t even account for the fundamental costs associated with preparing for another child: a new mattress, bed linens, a phone charger for his room, a desk, a dresser, and lamps. We also need to reorganize our other children’s rooms to accommodate a shared space, rather than spreading them over two. The time off from work to meet with social workers and the additional help from friends to babysit during those meetings also add up. Not to mention the gas spent driving back and forth to ensure our documents reach a human being instead of getting lost in bureaucratic limbo.
The Emotional Toll
The emotional toll of this process is overwhelming. I’ve shed tears, particularly when forms were misplaced, and I’ve felt anger at the necessity of remodeling our master bedroom. There are moments when it seems like this dream is unattainable, that we are fighting an uphill battle with no end in sight. But I have to hold on to hope. Somewhere out there, my son is waiting for a family. I fear that, like 14% of kids in foster care, he’s stuck in a group home, feeling unwanted. I want to bring him home, whoever he may be. I am a mother yearning to know her child. Each of these regulations and associated costs only prolongs the time he feels alone and without a home.
If we were in a more challenging financial situation, we likely would have stepped back after learning about the smoke alarm requirement. In that case, our son would have aged out, never knowing the warmth of a family. I understand that many prospective adoptive parents give up upon discovering these stringent requirements, leaving many loving homes closed to children in need. It’s crucial that we simplify this process to get these children into loving homes.
For more information about the adoption process from foster care, visit Make a Mom. You can also explore resources on pregnancy and home insemination at Healthline, or check out our other blog post for insights on artificial insemination kits.
Summary
Adopting from foster care can be a daunting financial and emotional journey filled with unexpected costs and bureaucratic hurdles. Prospective parents face numerous requirements, from home safety measures to pet vaccinations, which can be overwhelming. Despite these challenges, the hope of providing a loving home to a child in need remains a powerful motivator.