Being a mother comes with countless milestones, and not all of them are the joyous kind. Sure, we celebrate the first steps and the first words, but then there are those moments that catch you off guard—like the first time you grab a baby wipe to clean your face after a long day or when breakfast means handing your kids a box of cereal while rushing out the door. There are also the more poignant experiences that come with raising a child who has special needs.
Today, I faced an unprecedented challenge. My daughter, who is 15 and has severe autism, attends a small rural high school that, despite its limitations, has been quite accommodating. The teachers are dedicated, she has a para-educator with her all day, and she participates in various school activities as much as she can. Overall, she seems genuinely happy there.
However, a stark reality loomed over me today. In a country where sensible gun laws are scarce, the recent rise in school shootings made me question what would happen to my daughter in such an emergency. If a shooter were to enter her school, how would they ensure her safety? As I spoke with her teacher, the assistant principal, and even the principal, they assured me that they would do everything possible to protect all students. But the truth is, calming my daughter in the chaos of such a situation is no simple task.
Today, I had to write a letter granting the school permission to physically restrain her if necessary. I put it in writing for the first time in my life, allowing them to take such extreme measures. I expressed that if it meant keeping her safe from potential harm, they had my permission—even if it meant causing her some physical discomfort. I wrote, “You have my permission to restrain her, understanding that this may result in bruises or injuries, and I will not hold the school responsible.”
This moment was surreal. I was essentially asking them to harm my child to protect her from a far greater threat. I am left grappling with the moral implications of this decision, realizing that I am asking them to hurt my daughter to keep her safe from a world that seems increasingly dangerous.
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In summary, today marks a significant turning point in my journey as a mother. The decision to give permission for my daughter to be restrained by her school reflects the desperate measures we take to ensure our children’s safety in an unpredictable world.