Parenting
By: Sarah Matthews | March 18, 2023
I was thrilled to learn that my first child would be a girl. And then came the second and the third. While I would have cherished a son just as much, I know I possess the skills needed to nurture strong daughters.
My goal is to raise my girls to be resilient, confident, and joyful. I envision them as warriors. And while I embrace their love for pretty dresses and adorable hair accessories, I want them to understand that their worth extends far beyond mere appearances.
Here’s how I strive to empower them:
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Highlight Inner Beauty
I want my daughters to grasp that true beauty transcends physical attributes—it emanates from within. People come in various shapes, sizes, and colors, but what truly defines their beauty is their actions. Unfortunately, these truths often get lost amidst the superficial comments made by older girls and women. If I overhear “fat talk” around my daughters, I intervene. I want them to embrace their bodies as they are—perfect in their own imperfections. Confidence should be rooted in self-love rather than the fleeting approval of others. Can you picture a warrior fretting over her looks or what others think? I also emphasize the importance of appreciating authentic beauty: a warm smile, a generous heart filled with love, kindness, and respect. -
Instill Pride in Their Identity
Confidence flourishes in an environment of unconditional love—the kind that says, “I love you even when you misbehave.” While I don’t have to vocalize this sentiment constantly, it’s crucial they feel it. Each of my daughters possesses unique talents and faces challenges. One excels at math, while another shines in gymnastics, and that’s perfectly fine. Our differences are our strengths. A true warrior acknowledges her weaknesses but doesn’t dwell on them. I remind my daughters daily to “focus on the positives.” They should take pride in who they are and celebrate their femininity. They must never feel they can’t pursue something because it’s deemed “un-girly.” They should also be aware of their heritage, appreciating the benefits of being part of a culturally diverse family. This awareness includes speaking multiple languages and having relatives across the globe. -
Provide Strong Role Models
Forget about Sleeping Beauty and Snow White; I prefer to share the adventures of courageous characters like Pippi Longstocking and Matilda from Roald Dahl. These are the stories I want my daughters to hear, rather than traditional fairy tales that revolve around waiting for a prince to save the day. Why do these narratives always culminate in a wedding? What did Cinderella do after becoming a princess? Did she work to support orphans like she once was? It’s vital to present my girls with empowering role models, ensuring they understand their ambitions shouldn’t be limited to being pretty or popular. While strong female characters in children’s literature may be rare, there are countless inspiring women whose biographies can serve as bedtime stories. Consider picking up Fantastically Great Women Who Changed the World by Kate Pankhurst or exploring the Little People, Big Dreams series. Perhaps you can even share stories of unsung heroines from your own family or community—grandmothers, aunts, or neighbors whose lives can inspire young girls. -
Instill a Sense of Purpose
I don’t want my warrior daughters fighting imaginary battles; I aim to expose them to real-world issues and teach them to discern right from wrong. Social challenges such as poverty, injustice, and environmental issues are present in our lives, and we shouldn’t shield them from these realities for fear of upsetting them. Instead, we should engage in age-appropriate discussions about these topics, making them aware that problems exist alongside solutions. If you’re involved in community outreach, include your daughters in these activities. Perhaps they can set up a fundraising bake sale alongside you or volunteer in a suitable capacity, like walking a neighbor’s dog or assisting disadvantaged children with homework. -
Cultivate Empathy
True advocacy stems from genuine passion, and empathy is the key to igniting that passion. Can empathy be taught? Absolutely. I share stories that address hardships and challenges, often avoiding happy endings, much like the original tales by Hans Christian Andersen. Storytelling is a powerful tool that fosters emotional intelligence. Encourage your children to recognize their feelings and understand that it’s perfectly acceptable to experience a range of emotions, including sadness and anger. Emphasize that emotions aren’t inherently good or bad; it’s how we manage them that matters. Reinforce the idea that kindness is more important than being the best. Teach your little warrior that personal happiness will emerge as a reward for living a good life. Encourage understanding rather than judgment; for instance, if you see someone speeding, consider that they might be rushing to help an injured loved one. By modeling empathy, your daughters will learn to do the same, and empathy is a pathway to happiness. -
Make “No” Respected
Helplessness is often a learned behavior, but I want my daughters to learn the opposite. It’s essential to teach them that they have the right to make decisions while also understanding the importance of listening to guidance. To begin, I allow my daughters to choose their meals and never force them to eat what they dislike. They can wear what they like, provided it’s appropriate for the occasion and weather. If they refuse to wear a hat on a chilly day, I suggest they keep it in their pocket for later use. If they propose a family activity like a board game, I join in. However, when they demand a new toy during shopping, I firmly say no. I want them to recognize their autonomy to say “no” and to understand that their decisions will be respected, just as I expect mine to be honored. -
Encourage Responsibility
Making choices is empowering, but true empowerment comes with responsibility for the outcomes. I require my daughters to tidy up after themselves. If they spill something, they help clean it up. I avoid planning every minute of their day; instead, I guide them toward options without dictating their activities. Of course, I’m available for support when they face challenges or need assistance. I remind them that while we can’t control everything, we can influence our reactions. Ultimately, happiness isn’t found in external circumstances; it resides within us. We don’t need a prince or superhero to rescue us; we have the strength to overcome challenges on our own. -
Inspire Them to Pursue Their Dreams
The remarkable women who changed the world didn’t rely on magical solutions or innate talent; they achieved their goals through hard work and determination. This is the message I want my daughters to internalize through stories of influential women like Marie Curie, Emmeline Pankhurst, and Malala Yousafzai. I make a point to praise their efforts rather than merely labeling them as “smart.” -
Prioritize Play
Children require play, especially challenging and sometimes risky play. I sometimes have to close my eyes when my daughters swing too high, resisting the urge to intervene. Risky play helps them build resilience and courage, vital traits for any aspiring warrior. Unstructured play fosters a sense of trust in themselves. Overprotection, however, can lead to increased stress and mental health challenges. While I don’t want my children to face unnecessary danger, it’s crucial they learn to navigate risk. Climbing a tree is an acceptable risk, whereas crossing a busy street is a hazard that requires careful teaching. -
Strengthen Their Body and Mind
Warriors must be physically strong. While the previous points focus on character development and emotional resilience, physical health is equally important. I encourage healthy eating by involving my kids in meal preparation and discussing nutrition. I strive to ensure they get daily exercise, regardless of the weather. My discipline is aimed at providing a healthy framework for self-control rather than merely controlling behavior. I also limit factors that may undermine their strength, such as excessive screen time, unlimited snacks, and processed foods. -
Foster Father-Daughter Bonds
A father often serves as a girl’s first male role model, setting the standard for future relationships. I can tell my daughters they are beautiful countless times, but it’s their father’s praise that truly brightens their day. Girls who share a strong bond with their fathers or father figures tend to develop healthier relationships, higher self-esteem, and greater confidence in their choices. Just as a remarkable woman supports a great man, a loving father plays a crucial role in nurturing strong, confident, and happy daughters.
In conclusion, raising warrior girls involves empowering them with the tools to embrace their individuality, cultivate strength, and navigate the world with confidence. By instilling values of self-love, empathy, and resilience, we prepare them to become the formidable women they are destined to be.
For those considering different family-building options, check out this resource for valuable insights on pregnancy and home insemination. If you’re on a journey of fertility, you might find this guide helpful as well. Learn more about empowering your family by visiting Modern Family Blog.