For many who experience a significant emotional shift—what some might call a “Big Change of Heart”—we often grapple with a haunting question: Did you truly love him, or were you merely biding your time for her? The answer is both straightforward and deeply unsatisfying: yes and no.
Yes, we did love him. We loved him in all the ways that a long-term partner can love another, as we built a life together, shared countless memories, and fostered intimacy. However, that love evolves, much like everything else in our lives.
As we grow and change, we may find that our relationship no longer fulfills us. Perhaps our interests and passions have shifted, or maybe we’ve lost that initial spark of attraction and desire. We might feel mentally, emotionally, or physically unfulfilled, yearning for something more that we can no longer find with him.
Then, just when we are hesitant to confront these feelings, she enters our lives unexpectedly, even if she has been there all along. The connection we feel is unlike anything we’ve experienced before. Falling for her feels like discovering what we’ve been searching for our entire lives.
In that sense, we were always waiting for her—waiting for something we didn’t even know existed. The sentiment expressed in the line from “Fools Rush In” resonates deeply: “You’re everything I never knew I always wanted.” Yes, that’s exactly what we needed.
So, no, we didn’t love him in the same way we love her now. We weren’t consciously waiting for her, as we were unaware of her presence. Yet, both loves are integral to our identity, neither being false or concealed. Each love has felt genuine, honest, and real at different points in our lives.
But now, with both experiences, the contrasts are glaring. We may even question whether our feelings for him were truly love, given how profoundly we feel for her now. Yes, they were genuine, fulfilling us for a time and bringing us joy.
Today, we find a different, more authentic happiness in our current selves, largely due to her presence. While we’ve transformed in many ways since those earlier days, we would have changed regardless of her arrival. We can confidently affirm that we loved him sincerely, yet our love for her fulfills every aspect of who we are now. However, don’t ask us what the future holds; we’re too consumed by her love to think beyond the present.
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In summary, the journey of love is complex and multifaceted. The feelings we have for past partners are valid and meaningful, but new connections can awaken a more profound sense of self. Understanding this duality can help us embrace our current realities without diminishing the past.