My daughter is ten years old and has been begging me to download TikTok (previously known as Musical.ly) so she can create amusing lip-sync videos. “Everyone has it!” she insists, even the kid whose parent works as a pediatrician/social worker/FBI agent/nun. Well, if everyone is doing it…
I decided to download the app while she was at school. However, TikTok requires you to create an account to explore its content. Initially, I went with a playful name, Chardonaynay47, but quickly changed it to something less mom-like: gummibear9. One word encapsulates my experience: Nowayismykidgettingthisapp.
At first glance, TikTok appears innocent—just kids making music videos. But it’s much more than that; it’s a vast platform filled with user-generated content from millions of people, many of whom can also live stream. Unfortunately, that’s how I stumbled upon explicit content on TikTok. A very revealing live stream from a man made me realize how easy it is for kids to be exposed to inappropriate material.
Friends who think I’m overreacting suggest making my daughter’s account private to protect her. However, my concerns extend beyond just the presence of predators. Imagine if you could make your child invisible and dropped them off at a warehouse filled with unknown adults. Would you feel comfortable? Most parents are selective about their children’s experiences, and while a private account may mask them, it doesn’t shield them from harmful content.
Picture a child wandering through an endless aisle of social media, searching for things they shouldn’t find. The reality is, even with parental controls, children can still encounter disturbing content. For example, 12-year-old Gabbie Green tragically took her own life after being cyberbullied on various platforms. There are no effective parental controls for TikTok, Snapchat, Instagram, or other messaging apps.
Would you want your child to have unrestricted access to another child 24/7? I certainly wouldn’t want that for mine. Tweens and teens often struggle with impulse control and decision-making. They make poor choices and lack conflict-resolution skills. If they can’t even rinse conditioner from their hair properly, why are we granting them the power to express themselves publicly without guidance?
Back to TikTok—pornography isn’t the only concern. What’s more alarming is witnessing young children (some as young as eight) engage in sexual objectification. The children who succeed (think mini-Kardashians) gain followers, while those who don’t meet the standards of “sexy” or “cool” face ridicule in the comments. Some even end up in cringe compilation videos on YouTube, racking up millions of views. It’s heartbreaking to see this cycle and its impact on children who scroll through TikTok and YouTube.
Moreover, there’s a disturbing code language that bypasses TikTok’s filters. Kids use hashtags like thot (That Ho Over There), fgirl, hottie, and sxy. Keeping up with these trends is nearly impossible as they change weekly. Lyrics in popular songs may also promote themes of sexual violence. I witnessed a young boy, around 9 years old, using an incredibly graphic username.
The platform also hosts darker content, such as #killingstalking videos depicting violence and #selfharm clips that present suicide and self-injury. I came across a video showcasing a boy with real blood on his chest. The images were so distressing I had to take a break from writing this article.
Children are trying to reach out to their peers in crisis, but this isn’t a solution. A child’s encouragement below a #suicide video read, “u r beautiful plz dont kill urself im only 10 but i will b ur friend.” Instead of offering support, kids should be engaging in healthier activities: riding bikes, making art, or exploring the world around them.
Am I being dramatic? Perhaps. But I urge you to spend time with these hashtags, immersing yourself in the TikTok experience as a child would. The question I often hear is whether parents are aware of the content their children are posting or viewing. Many are blissfully unaware.
Dylan Klebold, one of the Columbine shooters, was known for being kind and funny, yet his parents had no idea of his internal struggles. This serves as a stark reminder that we, as parents, may not truly understand our children. The adolescent brain is vulnerable and impressionable; what they consume online can have lasting effects.
A passage from Dylan’s mother’s book haunts me: “There is nothing I wouldn’t give to have read the pages of Dylan’s journal while he was still alive.” Somewhere, a mother believes her daughter is watching harmless lip-sync videos, unaware that the content may lead her down a dark path.
Not all children fall into despair, but many come dangerously close due to their developing brains. As they navigate impulse control and decision-making, the digital landscape can exacerbate their vulnerabilities.
How much time is your child spending on their phone or other screens? On average, 8 to 12-year-olds spend about four hours a day on screens, and teenagers often spend even more. What will become of them as adults if they never had the chance to explore their creativity in a world free from digital distractions?
If your child isn’t actively engaged online, they likely have a smaller social circle, allowing them space to recover from challenges. The online world, however, lacks this reprieve; mistakes are permanent, and bullying follows them everywhere. The pressure of maintaining an online persona can be overwhelming, especially during the fragile years of puberty.
An online self becomes a commodified self, measured by likes and followers. Children quickly learn that their worth is quantified by these numbers. Studies indicate that girls as young as ten struggle with body image and anxiety due to social media interactions. Frances Jensen, chair of neurology at the University of Pennsylvania, suggests that social media may amplify underlying adolescent issues, turning flickers of anxiety into flames of distress.
To address these concerns, perhaps tech leaders like Bill Gates could take action. What if they incentivized children to stay off social media until they turn 16, offering a financial reward for their patience? This could foster a healthier childhood experience, allowing children to develop without the pressures of online validation.
In conclusion, as parents, we must remain vigilant about the potential dangers of platforms like TikTok, encouraging our children to engage in healthier, more fulfilling activities. For more insight on parenting and the challenges of today’s digital age, check out this article on Modern Family Blog, which provides valuable resources for navigating these issues. Additionally, womenshealth.gov offers excellent information on pregnancy and at-home insemination methods, which may also be relevant to your parenting journey.