I come from a relatively large extended family. Both of my parents have siblings, and many of those siblings have kids. Additionally, I have three half-siblings from my father’s previous relationships. Despite this, my connections beyond my immediate family are quite limited.
During my childhood, my parents often encouraged me to spend time with my cousins, given our similar ages. While there were moments of enjoyment, the forced camaraderie often felt unnatural. As time passed, I grew distant from those relationships.
Many people lament their lack of closeness with extended family, but it doesn’t trouble me. I have a strong aversion to inauthentic relationships, and the notion of being close simply due to familial ties epitomizes that disconnection.
I know numerous friends who maintain tight-knit relationships with their extended families. While it sometimes appears to be a wonderful dynamic, it also seems rife with stress. Close families often face their share of drama—who dislikes whom’s partner, grievances over favoritism, or the classic sibling rivalry. The complexity of these interactions can lead to blame and division. Drama exists in smaller family units too, but it’s often easier to navigate when it’s just a handful of people involved.
Society promotes the idea that familial bonds are the strongest ones. We see it in popular media—shows like Parenthood glorify the concept of families gathering for regular dinners, with kids and cousins bonding around a large table. It’s a charming image, but I can’t help but wonder: How do they even manage to coordinate such events? And how realistic is this portrayal? While they may overcome their conflicts by the end of an episode, I doubt it reflects the reality for most families.
Ultimately, family is what you make of it—whether through blood relations or chosen connections. With the rise of social media, it’s become easier for families to stay in touch without fostering deeper bonds. This suits me; it allows for a sense of connection without requiring significant interaction. However, I sometimes find even this superficial connection to feel a bit forced.
I usually accept friend requests from family members, but the timing can often feel off. For instance, several relatives I hadn’t seen in years reached out to me on social media right after the birth of my son. Initially, I accepted their requests in a moment of joy, but soon felt uncomfortable and ended up unfriending them. It felt disingenuous that they only seemed to care about my life once they learned I had a child.
Some argue that I should maintain these relationships for my son’s benefit. However, I’m not comfortable with that notion. People might think I’m denying him the chance to connect with family, but if these relatives didn’t show interest in my life before, why should I facilitate access to my son now?
I’ve heard family members lament that “the elders in our family are turning in their graves because we’ve let the family go.” Yet, they fail to make genuine efforts to include everyone. When I receive a last-minute invitation to a formal event, it feels insincere. It’s unfair to use deceased relatives as an emotional weapon while still holding selective gatherings that I learn about through social media.
As I’ve matured, I’ve resolved not to chase anyone to be part of my life. Call it ungratefulness if you will, but if you want to be considered family, you need to make an effort. I recognize that life can be hectic, and I’m not always the best at keeping in touch, but I believe true family will understand and be there regardless.
Do I sometimes wish for a closer relationship with my extended family? Yes. But in the end, I know who truly supports me and my son. I’ve cultivated a wonderful surrogate family among friends who are consistently there for us, and that, above all, is what matters.
For more insights on family and connections, consider checking out this related post on artificial insemination, or visit American Pregnancy for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
In summary, while I may not have a strong bond with my extended family, I find contentment in the relationships I choose to nurture. Ultimately, family is about connection and support, regardless of blood ties.