“Slow down; you’re going to get us or someone else killed!” I shouted at my husband.
I’m not typically one for drama—okay, maybe I can be. But let’s be real: zooming along the German Autobahn at around 130 mph is enough to make anyone panic. My husband, usually gentle and loving, is a self-proclaimed car enthusiast. That evening, he borrowed a powerful car from a friend, eager to make the most of our rare night out without the kids. Who could blame him? He works hard and deserves a little fun, right?
Well, yes and no. Earlier that night, I expressed my discomfort about riding in such a beast. The engine roared like it was ready to swallow us whole. Admittedly, the ride to the restaurant was exhilarating—I might have even laughed nervously a few times. But by the time we were ready to leave, I was at my limit. I half-jokingly begged him to drop me off before going for another high-speed thrill.
Apparently, my words didn’t register. Thus, my angry outburst and silent prayers for a second chance to see our kids again ensued.
When we finally got home, I was at a loss for words—literally. The silence stretched on until he broke it, asking, “Why aren’t you talking to me?”
I finally opened up. I told him that when he ignored my pleas to slow down, it felt like a violation—an echo of a past trauma I had endured over two decades ago. This was before we ever met, yet it has lingered throughout our nearly 12 years of marriage. He was aware of my history, of the emotional scars that had nearly destroyed me.
“What? Oh my God. I’m so sorry. I never meant to… I thought you were having fun,” he stammered.
“Yes, I laughed, but I also clearly said ‘Slow down!’ and ‘Please stop!’ Those were ignored,” I explained. “You can do what you want with your body, but you have no right to disregard my comfort!”
As parents, we’ve always taught our children about consent and body autonomy. The principles are simple: you own your body, and everyone else owns theirs. You always ask for permission before engaging with someone else’s body, whether it’s tickling or hugging, and you must immediately stop when asked. It’s a lesson my kids are still mastering, but my husband should have been well-versed in it.
“You’re right. I apologize,” he conceded. “What can I do to ensure this doesn’t happen again? Maybe we should establish a safe word or something?”
A safe word. This concept carries more weight than simply saying “no” or “stop.” It signifies that someone has reached their limit and that the situation needs to be taken seriously. Unfortunately, safe words often come with a stigma, conjuring images of more adult-themed scenarios. However, they can be beneficial for families too.
I thought his suggestion was brilliant. We decided to let our children choose the safe word, so they could use it when they felt uncomfortable. Eventually, our daughter proposed the word “lederhosen,” and it stuck.
Honestly, I’m grateful for our safe word. It has transformed how we communicate and respect each other’s boundaries. The power of “lederhosen” has proven invaluable in moments when “no” or “stop” simply didn’t suffice.
Parents, want your kids to stop climbing on you while you’re trying to finish an important email? Just say “lederhosen!” Kids, want your mom to stop trying to tame your hair with her spit or avoid those overly affectionate kisses? You guessed it—“lederhosen!”
Of course, sometimes the safe word can backfire. My children have tried to use it as an excuse to avoid chores or skip bath time, arguing, “It’s our bodies; we get to choose. Lederhosen!” They’re slowly learning that some matters, particularly hygiene and health, require parental authority.
Since that fateful night, my trust in my husband has been restored. Now, when we’re cruising on the Autobahn, he knows that if I utter “lederhosen,” he will ease off the gas. No more drama. No more silent treatment. I’m proud of him for understanding how to respect boundaries.
He gets it now, and I love him for that.
For more insights into family dynamics and navigating tough conversations, check out this excellent resource on pregnancy and family planning. You can also explore topics related to home insemination at the BabyMaker for further reading.
In summary, establishing a safe word has not only helped rebuild trust between my husband and me but has also fostered better communication within our family. It’s a simple yet effective way to ensure everyone feels heard and respected.