The most common reaction I received when I shared the news of my divorce was, “You two were such a wonderful couple!” Hearing those words unsettled me. Who really understood the dynamics of our relationship besides us? Moreover, why can’t two divorced individuals still be considered good people? Why can’t we thrive apart just as we did together?
I consider myself fortunate because I can genuinely say that my ex-husband, Jake, is a decent man. I understand what drew people to our relationship; we created an atmosphere that made others feel comfortable and happy. We were fun-loving, approachable, and generally enjoyed being around each other, which translated into a positive experience for those around us.
However, once the gatherings ended and everyone went home, Jake and I often found ourselves retreating into our own individual worlds. Our personal goals diverged significantly. While he was focused on financial success, I was driven by emotional fulfillment. I sought spirituality, while he was uninterested in exploring that facet of life.
On Sundays, Jake would immerse himself in football, which often left me to entertain the kids. When I could, I’d sneak away to write—my true passion. Though I tried to engage with his love for sports, donning jerseys and attending games, it never felt authentic to me. Writing, on the other hand, was deeply meaningful, yet I often felt unsupported in pursuing it, particularly when it didn’t immediately yield financial rewards. It was only when I started earning from my writing that I felt some validation, which was confusing.
As we drifted apart, the saying “opposites attract” lost its appeal. We became more like ships passing in the night, sharing only our children and social circles. While we were happy in those contexts, our marriage was deteriorating because we weren’t nurturing it. It became clear that our relationship had run its course.
Yet, we were still good people—two decent individuals. Just because we were good didn’t mean we were right for each other. From an outsider’s perspective, we appeared to function seamlessly, almost like a machine. But we are not machines; we’re human, and our needs evolved. We finally acknowledged that each of us deserved happiness.
I’ve always believed that I’m a good person. However, when I decided to leave my marriage, some people labeled me negatively. In that marriage, I was the go-to friend, the supportive therapist, and someone everyone leaned on. I juggled grad school, a part-time job, volunteering, and keeping Jake content. I was surrounded by so-called friends who seemed to appreciate my presence.
Once I announced our separation, however, many of those friends vanished. The very people who had celebrated my life now seemed to distance themselves from me. It was as if my status as “the reliable friend” had an expiration date.
The dissolution of a relationship involving two good people can be especially challenging. It’s hard when there’s no one to blame, no one to vent your frustrations at. It’s simply the end of something that once held meaning. This is why it can feel easier to consider returning to an unsatisfactory, unfulfilled life—at least it’s familiar. However, deep down, we knew that wouldn’t lead to true happiness.
And that’s perfectly fine. We remain dedicated co-parents to our wonderful children. We maintain a friendship rooted in mutual respect and love. We are still good people—both then and now.
To anyone embarking on a similar journey, I would say: “Regardless of what others might say, never let anyone convince you that you’re anything less than good, even when you choose to walk away.” Your understanding of your relationship is uniquely yours.
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Summary
This article explores the complexities of divorce even among two good people, highlighting that just because individuals may be good, it doesn’t mean they are right for each other. It emphasizes the importance of personal happiness and self-acceptance while navigating the challenges of a relationship’s end.