In my younger years, my sexual escapades could only be described as adventurous. During my college days, I’d joke that my love life was filled with whips, chains, and playful schoolgirl costumes—so thrilling that even the resident advisor might need a breather afterward (and sometimes, he was part of the fun).
I’ve explored my sexuality with multiple partners at once, engaged in relationships that were considered taboo, and even experienced moments where I found myself bound with duct tape—marks that lingered for days. Thankfully, a little soap and water took care of the tape residue on my face.
Fast forward a few years, and I married my husband, Mark. He might not see himself this way, but if he were an ice cream flavor, he’d definitely be vanilla. Before we met, Mark had a steady relationship throughout college that revolved around traditional intimacy—think standard positions without the adventurous flair that many would expect.
Aside from an occasional toy, Mark was your average guy with typical desires, content with straightforward encounters. He had no interest in bondage, role-playing, or the creative re-purposing of duct tape; he simply wanted to enjoy sex in its most basic form.
Initially, this shift in dynamics took some adjusting. I often tried to encourage him to explore beyond his comfort zone. While he was open to it at first, it became clear that pushing boundaries was only enjoyable for me. I loved him deeply, so we settled into a routine that was quite different from my past: standard, missionary-position sex, infused with genuine love, trust, and transparency. Honestly, much of my wild past was simply a cover for deeper emotional needs.
With Mark, I no longer felt the need to pretend or push limits. I could be entirely myself, where intimacy was about connection rather than performance or competition—quite different from my earlier experiences. While I understand that not everyone feels the way I did, for me, the wild side of my past started to feel irrelevant.
And here’s the key realization I came to over time: there’s absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying and preferring vanilla sex. Intimacy is incredibly personal, shaped by individual desires and the unique dynamics of each couple. Whether it’s adventurous play or a simple missionary encounter after the kids are asleep, what matters is that it feels right for you.
Our vanilla sex life is far from dull; we connect at least three times a week, maybe more. It’s not an elaborate event; it’s woven into our daily routine: watch an episode of our favorite show, then connect on a deeper level. This doesn’t mean we neglect our appearances—regular grooming is important to both of us, and I often wear lingerie that he finds appealing. We both put in the effort.
My college friends would be astounded to learn that the girl who once organized “naked parties” now finds satisfaction in simple intimacy. But honestly, that’s what brings us joy. It’s what we desire, and I refuse to feel ashamed for it. I’ve grown, and if you ask me about my preference now, I’ll proudly choose vanilla every time.
For those interested in exploring different options, there are various resources available, including an excellent article on home insemination techniques from Healthline. If you’re looking for a more hands-on approach, check out the Cryobaby At-Home Insemination Kit to help you get started. Additionally, you can find useful insights on this topic at Modern Family Blog.
In summary, leading a conventional sex life doesn’t detract from its excitement or intimacy. Embracing what feels right for you and your partner is what truly matters in a fulfilling relationship.