By: Emily Carter
Updated: Dec. 10, 2020
Originally Published: Feb. 14, 2018
Turning 40 felt like a personal renaissance, a newfound sense of freedom that I never anticipated. Sure, we’ve all heard the saying that “40 is the new 20,” but I couldn’t disagree more. In my 20s, I grappled with insecurities and confusion about my identity. Back then, I often neglected that inner voice urging me to assert my desires. Fast metabolism and youthful appearance aside, I was lost.
Now, in my 40s, I understand that personal growth is a lifelong journey. I’ve learned to embrace my age and accept myself fully, and therein lies the magic. Did this revelation hit me like a freight train as I crossed the milestone of 40? Absolutely. It wasn’t exactly on my birthday, but the realization dawned soon after. I decided to make the most of the time I have left because, frankly, life is unpredictable. With a newfound confidence, I settled my insecurities about both my appearance and personality, and it unleashed a surge in my sex drive that felt exhilarating.
I remember chatting with my close friend, saying, “I find myself wanting to explore my sexuality constantly. It feels amazing, but is there something wrong with me?” The only issue I faced was finding time to pursue all the things I craved.
This newfound passion for intimacy stemmed from finally learning to love and accept myself. As my children grew older and became more independent, I also felt less overwhelmed. With fewer interruptions from little hands, I could focus on my own desires. I’ve become adept at recognizing what I will and won’t tolerate — women in their 40s can easily spot nonsense, which makes it easier to walk away from it. This clarity allows me to invest more energy into feeling attractive, nurturing my self-care, and disregarding the opinions of others, like that judgmental parent from the school board meeting.
Understanding what works for me is now second nature, whether it comes to my hairstyle, wardrobe choices, or intimate preferences. My self-acceptance has empowered me to ask for what I want unapologetically. I have no qualms about investing in alluring lingerie or experimenting with new toys. While younger women may also engage in these activities, I lacked the confidence back then. Now, I fully embrace it because I know that these elements can elevate pleasure from good to extraordinary.
And let’s be honest: I appreciate that heightened level of intimacy, amidst my busy life of parenting and chores. I’m not alone in this revelation; many women find that as they reach their 40s, their sexual fantasies and desires intensify. A study highlighted in Time involving 827 women found that those who had surpassed their peak fertility years but hadn’t yet reached menopause were indeed the most sexually active. It also revealed that women aged 27-45 experience more sexual fantasies and heightened lust than their younger counterparts. The reason? Many women simply feel more at ease with themselves as they age, unlocking a liberating world of possibilities.
Can I get an “Amen”? With this newfound connection to my sexuality, I can’t help but wonder what my 50s will bring. The anticipation is thrilling!
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Summary
Turning 40 can bring a surprising surge in sexual desire, as many women discover newfound confidence and self-acceptance. With the responsibilities of parenting easing as children grow, women often find themselves exploring their sexuality more openly and passionately. This article discusses the liberating experience of embracing one’s age and desires, highlighting studies that show increased sexual activity and fantasies among women in their 40s.