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- Moms Suggest I Pour a Drink
by Emily Carter
Updated: October 5, 2023
Originally Published: February 13, 2018
Last Saturday, my eldest daughter and I strolled into our local discount store, eager to gather supplies for her upcoming slumber party. We entered hand in hand, her joy radiating as she basked in the moment alone with me. Dressed in a sparkling pink dress paired with mermaid leggings, she gleefully twirled down the aisles, her excitement contagious.
Our shopping cart quickly filled with a delightful assortment of treats, nail polish, glow sticks, and decorations. “This is going to cost a fortune,” my daughter, Lila, remarked as we approached the checkout. I chuckled, assuring her that her dad and I were thrilled to celebrate her. She leaned into me, her head nestled against my chest, and I embraced her tightly.
“I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, my little star.”
The two women behind us sighed, their eyes glistening as they witnessed our sweet moment. “Is this for a birthday celebration?” one inquired, motioning to our cart.
“You look absolutely lovely in your dress,” the other added, making Lila beam with pride.
“Yes,” I replied enthusiastically. “We’re hosting seven girls for a sleepover in the basement! But first, we’ll be making slime and painting nails. It’s going to be a whirlwind of fun!”
The women chuckled, and one offered a piece of advice. “From one mom to another, you might want to grab two bottles of wine.”
Her friend chimed in with a laugh, “As if she hasn’t already started!” gesturing to the coffee cup I held. “What’s in there, Mom?”
More laughter erupted. “I’ve got tequila in my car if you’re looking for something stronger!”
I smiled politely, responding with a casual, “Oh, I think we’re good.” As we left, I felt a mix of disappointment and unease. While I respect others’ choices to drink, their joking remarks left me feeling a bit hollow. I had hoped for guidance from these seasoned mothers, as many younger women like me are navigating parenthood without enough mentorship.
We yearn for the wisdom of those who have walked this path before us:
- Capture a moment while she sleeps.
- Wake her at the hour she was born.
- Write her a heartfelt letter.
- Take a moment of gratitude amidst the chaos.
- Get to know her friends and value their presence.
- Stock up on paper towels and laugh off any spills.
- Hold her face and gaze into her eyes.
- Reflect on your journey together.
But humor has its place, too; it connects us. Those women likely had no idea I’m sober. Their playful suggestions about drinking at my daughter’s ninth birthday party were likely meant to convey:
- I acknowledge you.
- I miss those days.
- You’ll look back on this fondly.
- You are doing an admirable job.
- Hang in there; this is a beautiful stage.
- This experience truly matters.
- You are not alone in this journey.
Yet, such remarks can sometimes amplify feelings of solitude. It appears that the term “Mother” has become synonymous with “Wino,” with social media flooded with memes about drunken moms and stores offering “Moms Need Wine” decor at discount prices. We see diaper bags that double as liquor dispensers and onesies declaring, “I’m the Reason Mommy Drinks.” Even popular shows like This is Us depict characters casually sipping wine, despite the presence of addiction issues within their narrative.
I understand the women at the store meant no harm; it’s my sensitivity at play. As the kids arrived that evening, I couldn’t shake their words. I felt nostalgic, recalling how a glass of wine used to transform my perspective on busy gatherings. That first sip would momentarily ease the tension, making me more relaxed and engaged. But I also remembered the aftermath—the fatigue, irritability, and regrettable moments that followed.
So, I chose sparkling water instead. I embraced the chaos and uncovered new facets of my daughter, learning about her favorite aunt, the dynamics of living with step-siblings, and the secret crushes that made her giggle. I was surprised by her humor, her sensitivity to her friends’ feelings, and her ability to ensure everyone felt included. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know Lila and her wonderful friends. (If you need a boost of hope, just listen to the laughter of young girls; the world would be a better place for it.)
The following morning, as I walked the dogs before the kids stirred, I marveled at the frost on the grass and greeted a neighbor with a smile. We made pancakes filled with joy, flour, and chocolate chips, and later I watched Anne of Green Gables with my daughters, feeling immense gratitude for these moments.
I hesitated to address the comments from the store, thinking it might just be my issue—an innocent joke exchanged among strangers. After all, it’s common for people to tell others to lighten up, and I risked being labeled a killjoy or kicked out of the “cool mom” club. But then Lila’s words echoed in my mind:
“Do you think that lady at the store wanted you to buy two bottles of wine so that we could have one? Because I don’t think kids should drink wine.”
“Uh, she was just…” How could I explain? “She was making a joke.”
“But about getting drunk?” Lila pressed.
I realized then that the reality was harsh; they assumed I would need alcohol to cope with the chaos that is a slumber party. My daughter’s expression fell as she processed this, questioning whether she and her friends had been a handful.
“Mom, do you think we were bad?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Not at all! I had the best time with you. I would never need to drink to enjoy our time together; I love being with you and your friends. It was fun!”
Her smile returned, reassuring me that I had conveyed the right message.
In retrospect, the joke had inadvertently undermined my daughter’s excitement, leaving her feeling less than appreciated. It struck me then how often such humor belittles the joys of parenting. I imagined how it would feel if someone suggested that a loved one would need to drink to manage my company.
Where are the true voices of experience, the moms who understand the value of mindful parenting? We could greatly benefit from their insights today.
If you’re navigating similar challenges or looking for more information, check out this engaging post on at-home insemination kits here and this great resource on IVF and fertility preservation here. For a deeper dive into parenting insights, visit this authority on the topic.
Summary
In this reflective piece, the author shares her experience shopping with her daughter for a slumber party, encountering humorous yet uncomfortable remarks from older women about drinking. While these comments were likely meant to connect, they highlighted a broader societal expectation of mothers and the normalization of alcohol as a coping mechanism. The author emphasizes the importance of genuine connections, meaningful experiences, and the need for supportive wisdom from seasoned mothers. Ultimately, she reaffirms her choice of sobriety and the joy derived from being fully present with her children.