My husband and I are not exactly sports enthusiasts. Sure, we can identify the teams playing in the Super Bowl, but that’s only during the halftime show. Our family enjoys being active together—participating in local running events, for instance—but our kids have gravitated towards individual sports rather than team activities. And honestly, I’m okay with that.
Our limited experience with team sports has spared us from the drama often associated with local leagues and school teams. The horror stories of unreasonable practice schedules, unruly parents on the sidelines, and kids struggling to balance sports and academics have made me hesitant to encourage my children to pursue team sports.
However, last year, my daughter’s shyness began to hinder her interactions with other girls in middle school. Navigating this social scene can be challenging for any tween, especially for a reserved girl who isn’t particularly interested in boys. While discussing how she could become more confident socially, my daughter expressed a desire to join a team sport, believing it would help her connect better with peers. She asked if she could sign up for a local basketball league since she had always enjoyed playing at school.
I enrolled her on a local team, thrilled to see her teammates welcoming her enthusiastically. They were patient as she learned the game, and I felt a wave of relief watching her chat excitedly with her new friends during practice. We could make this work, I thought.
That excitement, however, was short-lived. Our first game left me shocked and disheartened by the behavior of some parents. I was appalled at how easily adults would belittle young players on the court. Comments about teammates’ skills were made openly, and when I overheard another parent disparage my daughter’s jersey number, I was horrified.
Seriously, Sports Parents, have you forgotten that your child was once a beginner too? Just because my daughter is learning basketball at 12 doesn’t make it any easier than when your child was starting at 5 (or earlier, as some parents will insist). In fact, it’s even tougher for her now, battling the judgments from a bleacher full of critical spectators. My sweet, shy daughter has to ignore those negative remarks while trying to find her footing in the game, and I kindly ask you to step back if you can’t play nice.
Before you shout at a child from the sidelines for a misplay, remember that they might be overcoming anxiety just to be there. It takes courage to show up and participate. If you feel compelled to critique a young player during practice, consider how you might support them in mastering a new skill instead of tearing them down.
And when your star athlete is benched so another player can take a turn, please, for the love of all that is good, keep your comments to yourself. Your child has already had plenty of spotlight time; let the benchwarmer enjoy their moment. That kid has been rooting for your athlete all season and deserves a chance to shine without hearing you shout, “Come on, coach, put my kid back in!” while they’re trying to play.
I understand that committing to a sports team is a significant investment of time. After all those hours spent driving to practice and watching them train, it’s natural to want to see your child succeed. It can be frustrating when it seems like some players are holding the team back.
But here’s the reality you might have left in the locker room, Sports Parents: this isn’t professional sports. It’s a recreational league. It’s middle school basketball—let’s not pretend it’s the big leagues. Until a talent scout shows up with a multi-million dollar contract for your child, I kindly ask you to refrain from criticizing my child—or any child—for not meeting your expectations.
And by the way, your child is on the same team as mine, so let’s be real: the talent pool is pretty even. If your kid was truly that exceptional, wouldn’t she be playing on a top-tier team? Let’s cut the nonsense. My daughter isn’t aiming for the NBA; she just wants to feel a little more comfortable in her teenage skin during what we all know is a particularly challenging phase of growing up: the middle school years.
Sports Parents, I’m navigating this learning curve, too. And I genuinely appreciate the lesson you’ve taught me: I will never be part of Team Mean Parent. That’s a team with skills that simply don’t resonate with me.
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In summary, let’s foster a supportive environment for our young athletes. They are learning and growing, and they deserve encouragement, not criticism.