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I’m Not Overly Sensitive, You’re Just Impolite
by Jenna Thompson
Updated: July 5, 2018
Originally Published: February 10, 2018
It’s happened more times than I can count: I found myself suppressing my anger, shrinking into an apologetic shell to placate others who, in retrospect, were clearly in the wrong.
My high school boyfriend convinced me that his flirting with other girls and ignoring my calls while he took joyrides with them was acceptable because he believed I was more secure than that. “Oh, I’m sorry. You’re right; I must be overreacting,” I replied, ready to plead for another chance if he threatened to break up with me.
A college friend unfriended me on social media after I called her out for canceling our plans, leading me to question my worth when I saw her enjoying nights out with seemingly more exciting friends. “It’s okay if you want to hang out another day. Maybe I misremembered your schedule,” I texted, hoping she wouldn’t leave me hanging.
I was accustomed to making excuses for those who turned away from me, thinking it was a talent of mine to always see the good in others. But motherhood changed everything. No more being nice. I realized that those who treated me poorly didn’t consider me a priority, and it became imperative for me to assert my worth and make it known that I wouldn’t be treated like a relic from the past.
So, what does life look like now that I’m a mom who knows her value? It’s still challenging at times. Building genuine friendships is tough, and knowing when to confront someone can feel daunting. While I don’t walk around with the confidence of a supermodel, I recognize the importance of being an advocate for my son.
Learning to assert myself was the first step. I’ve made significant progress in this area and encourage other “sensitive” moms to do the same. Feeling emotions is entirely normal. However, acting like you’re the only one with feelings—like those who criticize us for being offended but then play the victim when someone speaks unkindly to them—is not.
For instance, a waitress once laughed after accidentally spilling hot marinara sauce on my lap, narrowly missing my newborn. I didn’t hesitate to speak to her manager about the danger she posed. She should have been more careful and offered an apology rather than being flippant with her sizzling dish around my baby.
When my obstetrician fabricated details in my medical records after I asked legitimate questions, I composed an 11-page letter to the department. I expressed my concern about the need for better training for their staff and my discomfort with being treated dismissively during appointments. This male doctor expected me to comply without question, but I learned that I had the right to make informed decisions about my own body, including declining routine procedures I didn’t feel comfortable with.
In college, I lacked the courage to tell my gynecologist I was uncomfortable with the male student present during my appointment. Now, I take charge, even if it doesn’t align with what others want. My desires matter too.
When my mother criticized my husband for being a stay-at-home dad, claiming he was useless, it was a wake-up call. Later, when she unilaterally decided to stay at my house for a few months, I made it clear that I needed her to respect our parenting choices. I reminded her of the time she hid my son’s medications, falsely accusing my husband of trying to drug him for gaming purposes. Her response? “Really? You’re just too sensitive. This is why we didn’t want to discuss it with you.”
Excuse me?! You want to stay in my home without even consulting me first, and after I forgive that, I lay down my one condition—respect for my family—and I’m the one in the wrong? Absolutely not. You cannot stay with us.
My siblings, friends, and in-laws often act as though I’m the villain for “taking things the wrong way.” But I’ve switched off my filter for toxic people. I will no longer sugarcoat their hurtful comments out of insecurity or self-doubt. I refuse to feel ashamed for having feelings simply because they want to express themselves without considering the impact of their words.
It’s disheartening that many moms are still apologizing for others, making excuses, or turning a blind eye to save friendships that aren’t worth the effort. I’ve exhausted myself bending over backward for the cruelty and selfishness of others. Now, I’m transforming my past passiveness into a dignified strength my son will one day admire. If I can advocate for myself against those who harm me or disregard my needs, I will confidently voice my opinions in school meetings, family gatherings, doctor appointments, and more when it comes to my son’s well-being.
Yes, I may be more sensitive than others, but that’s not a flaw. It’s unreasonable to expect me to mute my emotions and accept disrespect just because others feel entitled to express their opinions without consequence.
Sorry, not sorry. I’m not “overly sensitive,” you’re just rude.
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In summary, understanding one’s worth and advocating for oneself is crucial, especially for mothers. Navigating friendships and family relationships can be complex, but standing firm against disrespect is a vital lesson for both ourselves and our children.