The term “working mom guilt” makes me shudder. It conjures images of a mother in stilettos, frantically rushing from dropping her child off at school to an important work meeting, only to discover that she left her kid’s lunch in her bag. You might envision a mom sitting at her desk, tears streaming down her face after receiving a video of her baby’s first steps from the nanny. Perhaps you’ve even experienced that heart-wrenching moment yourself when you missed a significant milestone in your child’s life because of work commitments.
But here’s the kicker: it’s not the scenarios that bother me; it’s the very concept of “guilt” tied to being a working mom. This word suggests that mothers like me are doing something wrong, not simply navigating the complexities of balancing career and family. Guilt implies wrongdoing, like stealing from your employer or being unfaithful to your partner. It’s no wonder that so many working mothers grapple with negative feelings; the terminology itself suggests we’ve made poor choices when, in fact, many of us have no choice at all.
Of course, I feel a pang of sadness when I have to leave my two-year-old in the morning, especially when he waves goodbye from our front steps with that adorable little face. I wish I could volunteer more frequently in my first grader’s classroom to better understand his educational environment. But do I feel guilty about my passion for my job and the financial stability it brings to my family? Absolutely not.
What I truly feel can be better described as “working mom anger.” I am frustrated that many women I know returned to work before they felt ready because their maternity leave was alarmingly brief. I feel a deep-seated anger that we often apologize to our employers for leaving early to tend to our children, even though doing so has no real effect on the company’s bottom line. One mother articulated this sentiment perfectly, stating, “I’m more likely to feel guilty for leaving the office early to take care of my kids than I am to feel guilty for leaving my kids. I think that is a societal/cultural issue.” And she’s right—it’s time for a change.
How can we expect employers to improve their policies if we continue to act as though the problem lies with us? The real issue isn’t our guilt; it’s the fact that we haven’t been vocal enough about the ridiculous hurdles we face in managing both work and family life. Why is it acceptable that in the U.S., maternity leave is so minimal? As noted by a friend who works for the federal government, “You simply have to use your annual leave/sick days. If you don’t have enough, you can enroll in a program to hopefully get approved for six to eight weeks of paid leave, but anything beyond that is leave without pay.”
This is simply absurd. We’re talking about a recovery period that ranges from six weeks to three months. Anyone who has been through childbirth knows that at six weeks postpartum, you’re still navigating hormones, sleep deprivation, and the demands of a newborn. It’s baffling how any organization, let alone our government, can justify this.
In contrast, in Canada, women can receive up to a full year of maternity leave, often with a percentage of their salary. One Canadian mother explained, “We get a percentage of our wage. While it’s less than when working, we save on other costs like childcare, and we can also split the leave with our partner.” When I asked if this reduces feelings of guilt, she responded, “I don’t know if it alleviates guilt because we are hard on ourselves regardless. However, I feel more prepared—both physically and emotionally—to return compared to those who go back much sooner.”
Can you imagine the monumental shift in our own country if we adopted similar policies? If working mothers were assured from the outset that they are valued in both their roles as parents and employees, rather than being forced to choose between the two?
I urge all working mothers to stop internalizing feelings that have been unfairly labeled as personal guilt. Instead, let’s articulate our needs, desires, and rights to thrive in both spheres. It’s time to initiate discussions about necessary change rather than continuing to bear the weight of guilt. It won’t happen until we start demanding it.
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