By: Emily Thompson
Updated: Dec. 18, 2019
Originally Published: Feb. 8, 2018
My two sons are aware of where I keep my supply of condoms, and they know they’re free to use them – once they’re tall enough to reach, of course. Right now, they cringe at the thought of being intimate with anyone (“Eww, Mom!”), but someday, that perspective will change. When they transition from my sweet little boys to curious adolescents capable of making serious choices, they will be ready. I’m confident of this because I’ve been preparing them since they were toddlers.
To some, this might seem overzealous. When parents think about discussing sex with their kids, they often fear it will strip away their innocence or somehow encourage premature sexual behavior. However, sexual development starts in childhood, and it will persist as they grow. As parents, we have the choice to normalize conversations about sex, making it easier for our children to approach us with questions, or we can inadvertently create a sense of shame that leads them to seek information from unreliable sources. Regardless, the questions will arise early on.
Determining where to start and how much information to provide can be challenging, as each child is unique. My eldest son, who tends to take things literally and preferred medical documentaries to children’s films as a kid, was curious about how babies are made by age four. He didn’t want a vague answer; he craved a detailed explanation (think of him as a young Sheldon Cooper). When his younger brother asked the same question, I thought I had a suitable age-appropriate response ready, but his bewildered expression revealed I had overcomplicated things. Since then, I’ve adopted a strategy where I ask them, “How do you think babies are made?” This approach gives me insight into their understanding and allows me to build from there.
I always begin with the basics, teaching them the correct names for their genitalia and familiarizing them with these terms. (With four boys, words like “penis” have become as commonplace in my vocabulary as “hand.”) This isn’t solely about sex; it’s about conveying that their bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. I emphasize the importance of boundaries, explaining that no one should touch them in any private areas or anywhere that makes them uncomfortable, and I reassure them that they can always come to me or their dad if anything happens. This not only helps them remember their rights but also establishes me as a safe space for questions.
As they grow older, I take advantage of teachable moments. For instance, while watching an episode of a reality show that discussed teen pregnancy, I seized the chance to explain how condoms work in a simplified manner. I made it clear that I expect them to protect themselves and their partners because that’s part of their responsibility. They may not be ready for that knowledge yet, but I want them informed before they find themselves in their first sexual situations.
The most challenging aspect of these conversations is managing my own discomfort while striving to appear unfazed. However, this awkwardness fades over time, and it becomes easier with practice. I remind myself that keeping my children uninformed does neither them nor myself any favors.
By introducing these topics early on, I’m laying the groundwork for more complex discussions as they enter their teenage years. I want them to see me as an approachable, non-judgmental source of accurate information. They must know that when they have questions, they can come to me without fear. After all, if I don’t talk to them about sex, someone else will—likely an individual who lacks the necessary understanding of the responsibilities that come with sexual activity.
I cringe at the thought of sending my children off to college without basic life skills like cooking or managing finances—but those are minor compared to the critical knowledge they need about sex and their sexual rights and responsibilities. These are significant matters. A sexual encounter can fundamentally alter someone’s life, leading to trauma, emotional connections, STDs, or unintended pregnancies.
If I’m teaching my kids how to prepare meals on a budget but neglecting to equip them with the knowledge to keep themselves and their partners safe, I’m failing in my role as a parent.
In summary, discussing sex with your children is essential. Starting these conversations early helps demystify the subject and prepares them for the realities they’ll face as they grow. For more insights on related topics, consider checking out this article on home insemination, or explore resources like Healthline for information on pregnancy and insemination. For authoritative insights, visit Modern Family Blog.