Last night, as my ruggedly handsome husband wrapped his arms around me and kissed me goodnight, I couldn’t help but break down in tears. It became clear that I needed to share my feelings, especially after his unexpected response to my emotional outburst.
In that moment, all I wanted was for the man I adore to hold me. Yet, despite my desire to be present, my thoughts spiraled out of control. Between my sniffles, I managed to ask, “Do you ever feel like I’ve deceived you?”
“What do you mean?” he chuckled softly.
“Do you sometimes look at me and think this isn’t what you signed up for, feeling trapped?” I had moved to the edge of the bed, my sobs escaping in a way I usually reserve for moments of solitude. My body trembled with the weight of my self-doubt.
“Gwen,” he said gently, “I’m so sorry you’ve ever felt that way about yourself. I am incredibly proud of you, and I have always felt nothing but gratitude for being your husband.”
“But I didn’t look like this when we got married,” I admitted.
“You were stunning then and are even more beautiful now,” he reassured me.
I was left speechless. Over the course of our nine-year marriage, I have welcomed two children, moved through three homes, switched jobs four times, and gained over a hundred pounds. Yes, you read that correctly.
I often prefer to hide under a blanket, fearing that my husband might recoil from a body that I struggle to accept. By avoiding intimacy, I mistakenly believe I’m protecting him from something undesirable.
But here’s the truth: this is my own deep-seated pain. He is here, ready to love me, and I need to accept the affection he offers. I must learn to embrace the notion that he still finds me attractive, funny, and deserving of his love.
Your struggles may look different from mine, yet I know many dear friends who grapple with vulnerability and intimacy due to their own pain, which acts as a barrier.
It’s essential to allow ourselves to experience genuine love, even amidst our brokenness.
So, thank you, my amazing husband, for loving me despite the ways my mind distorts reality. Your unwavering support is remarkable, and I am deeply grateful. I may not be whole yet, but I am on a path of healing.
If you’re interested in topics like this, check out Modern Family Blog for more insights. Also, for those considering parenthood through alternative means, our article on at-home insemination kits provides valuable information. For additional resources on pregnancy, visit Healthline for excellent guidance.
In summary, it’s okay to acknowledge our pain and allow ourselves to be loved, even when we feel undeserving. Love can heal and transform us, if we let it.