Updated: March 24, 2021
Originally Published: January 27, 2018
Regardless of who you are, parenting often comes with a tinge of fear. From worrying about common illnesses to concerns over accidents, the moment you welcome a child into your life, the world transforms into a daunting landscape. As parents, we are entrusted with guiding our children through the trials of growing up, ensuring they emerge from life’s minefield with their well-being intact.
The #MeToo movement has sparked profound cultural reflection, shedding light on the abuse and misconduct that women have faced for far too long. This societal shift has added a new layer of anxiety to the parenting experience.
As a mother of a son and a daughter, just 18 months apart, I find myself grappling with an array of fears. Alongside the usual worries about health and safety, there are now more complex concerns. I dread the thought of my daughter potentially saying “me too” in relation to harassment or assault. Equally, I fear that my son might find himself on the other side of those words.
While I cannot control the world around us or the choices others might make, I aim to impart as much wisdom as possible during the time I have with my children. Here are the lessons I aspire to teach them.
For My Daughter:
- Embrace Assertiveness When Necessary. While I will teach you the importance of etiquette and politeness, there will be times when assertiveness is vital. Never hesitate to speak up if someone disrespects you. Your feelings are important, and you should not feel compelled to protect someone else’s feelings at the expense of your own dignity.
- Stay True to Yourself. Never dilute any aspect of who you are for the comfort of a man. Whether it’s your intellect, creativity, or leadership skills, embrace every part of yourself. Seeking validation or adjusting your behavior for someone else is relinquishing your narrative.
- Your Voice Matters, Anytime. Just because you did not speak up immediately does not diminish your right to express yourself later. If something feels wrong, even if it’s been a while, you have the right to share your experience—there’s no expiration date on your voice.
- Cultivate Meaningful Friendships. Do not believe the stereotype that female friendships are inherently competitive. Surround yourself with strong, supportive women who will uplift and protect you. They will be your guiding lights in times of trouble.
- Never Compromise Your Consent. You have absolute authority over your body. Your choices regarding consent should never be second-guessed or negotiated.
For My Son:
- Understand the Impact of Words. Misogyny, even if cloaked in humor like “locker room talk,” is still harmful. Dismissing derogatory remarks about women as private banter is akin to justifying racism in secret. Be mindful of the language you use.
- Recognize the Nuances of Consent. Consent is not merely a one-time agreement; it’s an ongoing dialogue. If a girl appears uncomfortable, stop immediately. Respect her autonomy, as her feelings can change at any moment.
- Be an Upstander. If you witness harassment or disrespect towards women, speak out. It may be uncomfortable, but your voice can make a difference. Never excuse bad behavior for the sake of convenience.
- Choose Your Words Wisely. Avoid using derogatory terms like “bitch.” Such language is not only demeaning but also perpetuates negative stereotypes. Strive to use your words to uplift rather than wound.
- Surround Yourself with Respectful Peers. If your friends normalize objectifying women or trivializing consent, reevaluate those relationships. True loyalty means standing against harmful behavior, not supporting it.
In conclusion, parenting in today’s world comes with unique challenges and fears. By instilling these lessons in my children, I hope to prepare them for the realities of life while empowering them to navigate their paths with confidence and respect. For more insights on parenting, including resources on pregnancy, visit Modern Family Blog and check out WHO’s resources on pregnancy. If you’re considering options for starting your family, you might also find our post on at-home insemination kits helpful.