I get it. Screen time is a contentious topic. Ideally, my child would be outdoors, molding the bushes I planted during a lunar eclipse over the spot where I buried her baby teeth after her homebirth. But the reality is, my garden isn’t flourishing, and I often find myself needing a moment to restore my sanity amidst the chaos that is my home. Sometimes, a half-hour of peace is all I need to make dinner while tuning into a podcast without interruption. I don’t want my daughter glued to a screen all day, but with some boundaries, that iPad gives me a brief escape for a hot Epsom salt bath a few times a week and makes long car rides more bearable.
However, there’s a downside to these rare moments of solitude. My daughter adores YouTube Kids, and I’ve found myself in a complex relationship with the app. Sure, it provides short breaks, but the content she consumes can be wildly irritating. I can’t help but envision a secret lair of masterminds plotting to drive parents to the brink of madness, all while draining our wallets in the process. How else can we explain the sheer annoyance of these videos?
While the FBI has its “Most Wanted” list, I propose YouTube Kids deserves its own version. Here are ten things that make me question reality:
- Blind Bags
Seriously? I’m supposed to fork over five dollars for something totally unknown? And there’s a possibility my child already has half a dozen of whatever it is? Since when did toys become a reality show where we’re left guessing what’s inside? If there were a Nobel Prize for marketing evil, the genius behind blind bags would win hands down. As if that wasn’t enough, there are countless videos of people opening these bags, and my daughter is glued to the screen. - The Squishy Slayer
I can’t help but wince when that woman cuts open squishy toys. It’s as if she’s the Ed Gein of the toy world. How can my daughter find enjoyment in watching this kind of toy mutilation? - The Slime Craze
Whoever invented slime deserves a public shaming. My daughter has wasted so much contact solution, and meanwhile, some kids are cashing in big bucks just for mixing glue and Borax. It’s infuriating! - Gaming Streamers
While I appreciate my daughter’s interest in coding and gaming, I can’t fathom why she prefers to watch others play rather than engaging in the games herself. I suppose we all have our guilty pleasures, right? - Unboxing Aficionados
When I was a kid, my parents told me to aspire to become a doctor or a lawyer. Little did I know I could’ve just filmed myself unboxing toys. These videos captivate my daughter and her friends, who seem to find some bizarre sense of calm in watching others slowly reveal what’s inside the boxes. - Parry Gripp
Not familiar? How about the catchy tune, “It’s Raining Tacos”? That’s Parry Gripp, and kids are obsessed with his catchy tunes. While I can’t get his songs out of my head, I can’t deny there’s something charming about a guy singing about cats and tacos. - Other Families on Vacation
I’m convinced my daughter would rather watch a family from Ohio share their vacation experiences than actually go on one herself. This saves us a ton in travel expenses, so I guess it’s a win. - Young Makeup Gurus
It’s unsettling that eight-year-olds can master a smoky eye better than me. My daughter has taught me about contouring and has given me makeovers that transform me into characters from a kid’s movie. It’s both amusing and mildly terrifying. - Disgusting Food Challenges
I’m putting out an APB for the person responsible for the barf-inducing mayonnaise milkshake challenge that my daughter had to replicate. Some things, like booger-flavored jellybeans, should remain fictional and out of my living room. - The Horror of “Baby Shark”
I apologize in advance, but if I have to endure this, so do you: Baby Shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo…
In summary, while YouTube Kids can provide a momentary escape for parents, the content can often lead to frustration and confusion. From blind bags to bizarre food challenges, the platform is filled with videos that make me question the sanity of the world we live in. For more parenting insights and resources, check out Modern Family Blog or explore options like home insemination with Make a Mom. Additionally, for anyone considering pregnancy options, Resolve is an excellent resource.