January 26, 2018
Image Source: Vladimir Vladimirov / Getty Images
From the age of 11, I recognized my attraction to women, alongside my deep love for men. While I’ve had more relationships with men, that doesn’t negate my feelings for women. I was in a committed relationship with a man, and together we welcomed a child. Yet, my attraction to women remains as strong as ever. I proudly identify as a bisexual woman and embrace that identity fully.
Motherhood does not lessen my bisexuality. Choosing to be in relationships with men or raising a child does not make me any less valid in my identity compared to someone who prefers relationships with both genders equally. One of my primary challenges in accepting my bisexuality has been the struggle for respect and acknowledgment from others. As a teenager, many friends dismissed my identity as just a phase, unaware that I had been grappling with it since I was a tween. When I expressed my interest in women while predominantly dating men, many invalidated my feelings, assuming I was not genuinely attracted to women.
Despite my silence on the matter, my feelings remained. I didn’t hang posters of female icons like Ariana Grande simply because they inspired me; it was because I found them undeniably attractive. However, I felt unable to express that openly, fearing ridicule. My bedroom became a sanctuary where I could embrace my true self without judgment.
I had my first relationship with a woman at 17. Although it was brief and primarily physical, it was transformative, affirming the feelings I had long harbored. Unfortunately, my friends dismissed it, which led me to focus solely on relationships with men thereafter. When I disclosed my bisexuality to men, it was often met with objectification and fetishization, causing me to keep my identity hidden from most until last October, when I finally came out to my family and friends.
The outpouring of support has been overwhelmingly positive. However, I was surprised to find many friends who share my bisexual identity but have never felt comfortable revealing it due to societal expectations. Some of them, like me, are mothers attracted to women but reluctant to acknowledge it while in heterosexual relationships. Connecting with them has been mutually comforting, reinforcing that we are not alone in our journeys.
Now that I’m single, I’m open to dating women if the opportunity arises. Navigating the dating scene as a single parent is challenging, particularly with a young child at home, but I intend to keep my heart open. There’s a woman I find captivating, though she lives across the country, making a relationship unlikely. Still, she is the first woman I’ve felt drawn to since my teens, and she understands my past relationships with men and my role as a parent. I realize that everyone will react differently to this, but just confessing my feelings to her is a significant step forward.
At times, I ponder how to explain a potential same-sex relationship to my four-year-old son. He’s never seen me in a romantic relationship since his father and I separated when he was very young. While I’ve introduced him to various forms of romantic relationships, I worry about how he might perceive my involvement with a woman.
The future of my relationships remains uncertain, yet one thing is clear: regardless of what happens, my bisexuality is unwavering. Whether I marry a man or have more children, my attraction to women will always be a part of who I am. Bisexuality isn’t determined by the person you’re currently with; it’s an integral aspect of your identity.
To all the bisexual mothers out there who may feel diminished, know that you are not less than anyone else. Your identity remains valid, even if you don’t always feel it.
If you’re interested in exploring parenthood, check out this resource for at-home insemination kits. You can also find insightful information about pregnancy and insemination at Women’s Health, an excellent resource. For a deeper understanding of bisexuality and parenting, visit Modern Family Blog.
Summary:
In this article, Maya Anderson discusses her experience as a bisexual mother, reflecting on the challenges of gaining acceptance and respect for her identity. Despite societal perceptions and pressures, she emphasizes that motherhood does not diminish her bisexuality. She shares her journey of coming out and the comfort of connecting with others who face similar struggles. Ultimately, she asserts that being bisexual is an intrinsic part of who she is, regardless of her current relationships.