No one can articulate the narrative of A Boy Called Po—the 2016 film now streaming on Netflix—quite like director John Carter. Beyond his roles as director, producer, and editor, Carter possesses a unique understanding of the intricate dynamics involved in raising a child with autism. As a devoted father to his autistic son, Alex, who is now 14, Carter’s motivations for creating this film transcend mere financial success.
“I aimed for authenticity. My deepest desire is for the autism community to resonate with this movie and endorse it. It’s not about making money; it’s about educating people. What matters most to me is that people watch it, regardless of how they do so,” he expressed.
A Glimpse of Hope
When I revealed that I also have an autistic son, Carter stepped away from his director persona and embraced his role as a father. “One of the fortunate aspects of our journey is that Alex was diagnosed around two-and-a-half years old. Early intervention is crucial. There was a time when I wondered if he would ever live independently or be safe from exploitation. Yet just last week, he started high school without a shadow, on his own. He’s enrolled in special education classes and also participates in mainstream classes. He’s remarkable and is even preparing for his driver’s license!”
Carter’s pride in his son was palpable, yet his demeanor was earnest rather than boastful. He was offering reassurance, recalling that uncertain time when everything felt up in the air. “I want you to know—there’s so much to look forward to,” he said, providing a glimmer of hope.
Navigating the Diagnosis
Having recently received my son’s diagnosis, I asked Carter about his own journey with autism. “I remember the moment Alex was diagnosed vividly. We visited a doctor at UCLA who observed him playing with some small cones. Alex meticulously stacked them, ensuring perfect alignment. I recall my wife, Sarah, asking, ‘Does our son have autism?’ The doctor’s response was thought-provoking: ‘What do you think?’ She broke down in tears.”
While I resonate with the adage, “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism,” I find that the same doesn’t always apply to parents. Although I may not know Carter and his wife personally, I understand their feelings in that moment. Watching Po’s father navigate similar challenges made me feel less isolated in my role as a parent of a child with special needs. Carter had already succeeded in comforting me as a viewer, and now he was offering the same solace as a fellow parent.
Coping with Challenges
As I began discussing the hurdles I face as a new special needs mom, I found myself opening up about how autism impacts not just our children, but our relationships, marriages, and careers. He understood. A Boy Called Po addresses many of the obstacles I encounter daily. I was curious about the personal elements of fatherhood that Carter incorporated into the film.
He described a poignant scene where David, played by Christopher Gorham, reaches a breaking point. I could relate to that moment, torn between wanting to protect Po and feeling empathy for David’s frustration. I asked Carter if he believes the challenges differ for fathers compared to mothers of autistic children.
Carter acknowledged the complexity of the question. “In my experience, men often feel pressured to maintain a façade that everything is fine. We strive to reassure our partners, but that can lead to frustration when reality is harsher. I think my positivity sometimes masked the challenges we were facing. The divorce rates among parents of autistic children are alarmingly high—over eighty percent.”
I nodded in agreement, chuckling at the irony of our conversation. Reflecting now, I’m not quite sure what was amusing about it.
The Strain on Relationships
I shared with Carter that my marriage has faced its fair share of conflict stemming from our differing coping mechanisms. Many fellow special needs mothers have expressed similar sentiments, feeling as though their partners don’t fully comprehend the situation.
Carter interjected, “We do see it. But oftentimes, men struggle to express vulnerability. They would rather suffer in silence than admit they’re overwhelmed.”
While we both recognized that not all men fit this mold, it’s evident that many relationships buckle under the strain when one partner remains optimistic while the other bears the weight of reality.
Carter offered a piece of advice: “Communication is key. At the end of the day, it’s okay to admit you’re scared. I wish I had expressed my fears more to Sarah. There’s comfort in sharing that burden.”
Facing Challenges Alone
In A Boy Called Po, David grapples with the burdens of parenting an autistic child, especially after losing his partner. I asked Carter how one copes with such weight alone, whether through loss or divorce.
“Maintaining hope is crucial. It’s easy to feel like the world is collapsing around you, but you must recognize the beautiful gift that is your child. Don’t give up on them; don’t let fear control you,” he advised.
A Father’s Perspective
Carter and I spoke for much longer than I anticipated. The man behind the camera is also a father navigating the complexities of occupational therapy, insurance, and the myriad worries that accompany raising an autistic child. He truly understands the struggles and the profound bond that forms through them.
Ultimately, we arrived at the inevitable question that arises in discussions about autism: What do we do next? While we can’t change autism, we can illustrate its realities.
I asked Carter how he envisions A Boy Called Po influencing perceptions.
“I hope the autism community watches this film and uses it as a bridge to their neurotypical friends. It’s designed for them to understand what life is like for us. The film is entertaining and heartfelt—it evokes laughter and tears. So when they see it, they can say, ‘Now I understand what my friend is experiencing,’” he shared.
A Boy Called Po is now available on Netflix.
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Summary
In this insightful conversation, director John Carter shares his personal journey as a father of an autistic child and discusses the motivations behind his film A Boy Called Po. He emphasizes the importance of early diagnosis, effective communication, and maintaining hope while navigating the challenges of parenting a child with autism.