If You Struggle to Achieve Orgasm During Intercourse, You’re Not Alone

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Updated: Dec. 10, 2020
Originally Published: Jan. 20, 2018

Confession: I’ve never experienced an orgasm solely through intercourse. For a long time, I questioned whether there was something wrong with me because I needed additional stimulation to reach that peak moment. I found that activities like oral sex and manual stimulation provided far more pleasure than intercourse itself.

Am I being unreasonable? Am I too set in my ways? Are my body parts functioning properly?

As I’ve matured and become more in tune with my body, I’ve started conversations with other women about this issue. It turns out, I’m neither unreasonable nor stubborn, and yes, everything is functioning as it should. More importantly, I am not alone in this experience.

Research highlighted in an article from Reader’s Digest reveals that approximately 80% of women do not orgasm solely through intercourse. They require additional stimulation! So, it’s time to grab that vibrator and communicate with your partner about what feels good. You absolutely deserve to experience pleasure every time you engage in intimacy.

To clarify, this has nothing to do with your partner’s size or stamina, and it may be beneficial to reassure them of that before discussing your needs—because you should definitely have that conversation if you feel like you’re missing out.

The reason only about 20% of women manage to climax during intercourse is that we need focused attention on the clitoris, not just the vaginal canal, as that’s where the real magic happens. The article explains that “the penis doesn’t provide sufficient direct or indirect stimulation on the clitoris to lead to orgasm.”

This revelation makes so much sense. I’ve explored various positions, and it’s not anyone’s fault. Many women have shared that they nearly reach orgasm when on top but still require extra stimulation to finish. Just because many of us don’t climax during intercourse doesn’t mean we don’t enjoy it. Here’s a little secret: Women love sex!

Do we sometimes fake it because we don’t want to hurt feelings? Absolutely—that’s the real issue here. Our partners would be far more satisfied knowing how to please us further with their hands or by adding a toy during intercourse, or even letting us guide them to our sensitive spots. If your partner doesn’t show interest in this, that’s a separate concern.

There are numerous positions that allow for additional clitoral stimulation during penetration, such as him entering from behind or you taking the reins on top. Reverse cowgirl can also offer great opportunities for clitoral play. Alternatively, you can focus on your pleasure after intercourse or before it even begins. A fun idea is to mix it up: start with intercourse, then let him perform oral sex until you climax, and finish with more intercourse. Think of it as an “oral sex sandwich”—delicious!

There’s no shame in requesting what you want. No one should pretend to be satisfied if they aren’t truly feeling fulfilled. And just because simultaneous orgasms aren’t happening doesn’t diminish the enjoyment; in fact, it can prolong the experience and encourage you to explore new dimensions of intimacy. So, spice things up—try different settings, like the bedroom or even the kitchen.

Above all, don’t feel embarrassed if you haven’t orgasmed through intercourse; nothing is wrong with you. Remember, around 80% of us are in the same boat. A kind and loving partner will want to know if they aren’t hitting all the right spots, so don’t hesitate to express your needs in the bedroom. Ultimately, it’s far more important for you to reach satisfaction than to focus solely on achieving simultaneous orgasms.

For more insights on this topic, check out this informative piece here. If you’re looking into options for conception, consider exploring at-home insemination kits, which you can read about here. For further resources on fertility, Hopkins Medicine offers excellent guidance.

Summary:

Many women struggle to achieve orgasm through intercourse alone, with research indicating that 80% require additional stimulation. This article emphasizes the importance of communication with partners about desires and techniques for enhancing pleasure. It explores various sexual positions that facilitate clitoral stimulation and encourages women to express their needs without shame. Ultimately, achieving personal satisfaction in intimacy should take precedence over the notion of simultaneous orgasms.