As I rocked my little one, Max, to sleep this afternoon, I found myself scrolling through social media, as one does. Suddenly, I stumbled upon a heated debate regarding sleep training—a topic that seems to ignite strong opinions. On one side were parents adamantly criticizing those who choose sleep training, claiming it undermines “gentle parenting” and that “scientific research shows” it could harm a child’s emotional development.
Surprise, surprise—I sleep trained my baby, too. It has been a game changer for our family, and I’m frustrated by the judgment some parents cast on those of us who find sleep training beneficial. Why should we feel the need to keep this choice a secret, as if it’s something to be ashamed of?
What is Sleep Training?
Let’s clarify what sleep training actually means. In essence, it’s about teaching your child to fall asleep independently, in a comfortable and secure environment. As our pediatrician explained, everyone—parents and babies alike—wakes during the night. Adults typically know that waking up in the dark isn’t a reason to panic and can usually drift back to sleep. But babies need that reassurance.
While the “cry-it-out” method often gets the spotlight, there are various strategies available: verbal reassurance, pick-up-put-down (PUPD), a consistent bedtime routine, graduated extinction, and more. Let me be clear—sleep training doesn’t mean leaving your child to cry alone for hours on end. If that’s your approach (no judgment here… well, maybe a little), I believe there are more compassionate methods.
My Hesitations and Journey
I, too, was hesitant about sleep training at first. I was fixated on the notion that anything other than responding to my baby’s every nighttime need was cold and harmful. My pre-bedtime routine was elaborate, bordering on obsessive, as I believed that dim lighting and soothing words would magically help Max sleep soundly. I’ll never understand how my partner, Jake, managed to tolerate my nighttime rituals, from lamp height adjustments to specific baby-holding positions.
The truth is, my overwhelming exhaustion and the sense of helplessness were taking a toll on my well-being. We tried everything: extra feedings, warm baths, soothing massages, cozy sleeping arrangements, and even co-sleeping. Yet, Max was still waking up every one to two hours, crying.
So before anyone chastises me for not putting in enough effort or for being less nurturing, let me assure you—I tried it all. Ultimately, the combination of PUPD, verbal reassurance, and graduated extinction worked wonders for our family. It was important to me that Max didn’t cry for extended periods. While “no-tear” methods may take longer, they can be effective. A crucial shift for us was stopping the practice of nursing or bottle feeding Max to sleep. Instead, we established a bedtime routine: bath time (when it was feasible), pajamas, a feeding routine (a mix of breastfeeding and bottle), and then a story. I’d even wake him up if he fell asleep while eating—an unconventional tactic, but it worked. The key was to place him in the crib while he was still awake so he could learn that it was time for sleep.
The Results
Our sleep training efforts paid off—Max learned to fall asleep on his own. Sure, we still face some tough nights, especially after vacations or significant life changes when routines get disrupted. On those occasions, we revert to comforting him more, ensuring he knows he is safe and loved.
What surprised me most about our sleep training experience was how quickly our nights transformed. Despite our best efforts at gentle parenting, Max was waking up panicking multiple times each night. After implementing our new routine, his night wakings became rare, often consisting of only a few whimpers before he drifted back to sleep. Now, when I lay him down, he usually falls asleep without a fuss. Of course, if he wakes in distress, I’m right there to comfort him.
With this newfound routine, I can sense that Max feels more secure, and I finally breathe easier, too. In a world filled with conflicting parenting advice—like the debate over breastfeeding duration or the value of stay-at-home parenting—what happened to trusting our instincts as parents? We should gather information and then lean into our intuition.
I have no regrets about sleep training. If you’re comfortable with your parenting choices, I’ll support you in yours, just as I hope you’ll support me in mine.
Additional Resources
For more insights on parenting and home insemination methods, check out this excellent resource from WebMD or explore this post on artificial insemination kits. You can also learn more about the topic at Modern Family Blog.
Summary
In this candid exploration of sleep training, the author shares her personal journey and the benefits her family experienced after implementing a sleep-training regimen for her baby, Max. She emphasizes that sleep training is a legitimate parenting choice and encourages others to trust their instincts in the face of differing opinions. The article also highlights the importance of creating a bedtime routine and understanding the different cries of a baby.