The recent narrative surrounding Aziz Ansari serves as a troubling reminder of how societal norms often foster a sense of entitlement among men regarding sex.
I remember traveling through Greece in my twenties when my companion fell ill with food poisoning. After caring for her for days, I decided to explore the charming beach town alone. I stumbled upon a delightful taverna with outdoor seating by a picturesque fishing pier and settled in for dinner.
The restaurant’s owner’s son, a strikingly handsome Greek man around my age, began to take an interest in me. His attention was pleasant, and I felt no cause for alarm. We never discussed why I was alone; I assumed he thought I was simply a solo traveler.
After dinner, he invited me to a local disco, and I eagerly accepted, enjoying the prospect of a fun night out. Upon arriving at the disco, it was clear he was well-connected, greeting friends warmly. The atmosphere was lively, and I was genuinely having a good time, grateful for such an engaging tour guide.
About an hour into the night, he offered to drive me back to my apartment. Though it was a short walk, I felt comfortable enough to accept. However, as we drove, I soon realized we were heading in the opposite direction. My heart sank. “I want to show you something,” he said, attempting to reassure me. His tone shifted quickly, and I felt the familiar pit of dread.
He pulled into a dark area by the pier, far from the lively environment of the disco. Almost immediately, his demeanor turned aggressive. We had only exchanged smiles and light flirting, yet he seemed to expect something more. “Just a little kiss,” he urged, while forcefully grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards him. Panic surged as I fumbled with the locked car door, feeling trapped.
My mind raced with thoughts of escape. I suggested we return to my apartment instead, and while he agreed, his hand remained firmly on my thigh, fueling my anger and distress. I felt like a mere object in his eyes, devoid of my humanity.
Upon reaching my apartment at the top of a steep hill, I told him I needed to check on my traveling companion. I could see the disappointment in his face. I dashed up the steps, imagining the safety of locking the door behind me. When he followed, thinking it was a joke, I made it clear that I was not interested in any further interaction.
Would anyone believe me if I reported this as sexual assault? I had complied to a point, hoping it might convince him to leave. His unwanted advances and groping were entirely unwelcome. Reading about Ansari’s encounter, I felt a wave of solidarity with the woman involved; it was a shared experience. Many women endure similar “dates” where safety and clear consent are absent, leaving them to navigate their escape plans in real time.
Discussions around the Ansari incident often minimize his actions, framing it instead as just a bad date. People fail to recognize the alarming aspects of his behavior, such as his persistence despite clear signs of discomfort.
WOMEN. DO. NOT. OWE. MEN. SEX. PERIOD.
It’s time to hold figures like Ansari accountable for their actions, regardless of their public personas. He cannot claim to be an ally while treating women with disrespect. We must shift the focus away from how men are perceived to the experiences of women who have long faced such predicaments.
The Atlantic recently published an article suggesting that allegations against Ansari highlight women’s anger and perceived power. But why are women viewed as dangerous for finally standing up against such behavior? It’s a reflection of how deeply ingrained rape culture is, with men feeling entitled not only to sex but to dismissing the voices of women who refuse to accept these norms.
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In summary, it’s crucial to emphasize that women are not obligated to fulfill any expectations regarding intimacy. The narratives surrounding sexual encounters must shift to prioritize consent and respect, rather than entitlement.