If you find yourself at my doorstep unannounced, brace yourself for an experience that may be surprising—and possibly a bit overwhelming.
I’m a proud parent to a lively three-and-a-half-year-old, a six-month-old baby, and a boisterous 75-pound black Labrador. I should mention my husband, Jake, but he typically doesn’t evoke the same reactions, so let’s focus on the chaos that tends to reign when you stop by.
When the doorbell rings, you’ll likely be welcomed by yours truly, clad in leggings and an oversized sweatshirt—complete with a few traces of baby spit-up. My hair will be thrown up in a messy top knot, and I won’t be wearing any makeup. One arm will be cradling the baby while the other struggles to keep our enthusiastic dog at bay. With a nod of my head, I’ll invite you in, shouting “Come on in!” over the cacophony of barking.
Once inside, I’ll face a dilemma: release my dog or risk dropping the baby. Spoiler alert: the dog wins this round every time. As a result, you’ll likely find yourself being jumped on repeatedly while I futilely command him to settle down. If you’re not fond of dogs, consider this your warning—visiting my home might not be for you.
After managing to place the dog outside, where he’ll bark for the next twenty minutes, I’ll turn back to you and apologize for his rowdy behavior, offering you a seat in the living room. Just a quick heads-up: don’t accidentally sit on the baby, who I’ve temporarily set down on the loveseat.
In the midst of all this, I’ll pick up the baby, who will promptly spit up on me due to his acid reflux. I’ll nonchalantly wipe it off with my sweatshirt sleeve and take a seat, apologizing for the disarray of my home. You’ll likely agree that it’s a complete mess but will smile and assure me that your place is just as chaotic. Of course, you might be one of those immaculate families without small children, in which case, welcome to my wild jungle.
The living room will be strewn with toys, mismatched shoes, a half-folded laundry pile on the coffee table, and a blanket play area for the baby. You might even catch a glimpse of my beloved robot vacuum, likely adorned with a stray shoe and perhaps a dish on top. Thankfully, my three-year-old hasn’t yet attempted to place his baby brother on it!
At some point, my three-year-old will burst into the room, and there’s a high probability he’ll be either naked or only partially clothed. We’re still working on potty training, and letting him roam free seems to help. I’ll probably forget that it’s unusual for a child to run around like a tiny whirlwind and will happily engage you in conversation as if everything is perfectly normal.
I’ll offer you a drink, but fair warning: our options include tap water, whole milk, expired coffee creamer, budget beer, and an $8 bottle of wine. If you’re delivering food, you might just give me a puzzled look and rush off after signing the receipt. Just watch your step around the robot vacuum on your way out!
If you’re a friend or family member, you’ll be unfazed by the chaos, making yourself at home and enjoying a glass of my cheap wine. For strangers, especially salespeople, my invitation for wine and a seat might leave you scratching your head. If you expect me to buy something random, you’ll have to endure my partially-clothed child singing Jingle Bells from the coffee table.
If the 25-year-old me could see this unfolding, she would probably be aghast. Yet here I am, living a different kind of dream—one that I never anticipated. Should you decide to drop by, know that I’m writing this to prepare you for the delightful chaos that awaits. I’ll have a cheap bottle of wine ready just for you!
For more family insights, be sure to check out our piece on at-home insemination kits, which can be found here. For more information on pregnancy and home insemination, this resource is excellent. If you want to explore more about parenting tips, visit this article.
In summary, welcoming you into my home means embracing the delightful chaos of family life—unexpected messes, joyful noise, and a good time that starts with a simple invitation.