Updated: Dec. 13, 2019
Originally Published: Jan. 14, 2018
Throughout my college years, I experimented with various dildos—small ones, always in the company of a partner—but I never ventured into the realm of vibrators. I thought they were only for those who needed extra assistance in achieving pleasure. I found them somewhat off-putting, almost like engaging with a machine rather than a partner.
Fast-forward a decade. After addressing my mental health concerns and starting on an SSRI along with a couple of other medications, I discovered that my sexual desire had significantly declined. Over the years, my ability to orgasm became increasingly unreliable. More times than not, my husband and I were left feeling unsatisfied after intimacy.
One evening, after the kids were tucked into bed, my husband surprised me with a gift. “I got you something,” he said, handing me a box. My heart raced when I realized it was a vibrator. “I thought it could help,” he explained. “Every woman I talked to said it’s like an automatic orgasm!”
“I can’t use a vibrator,” I retorted. “That sounds too robotic.”
“No,” he replied confidently. “I’ll use the vibrator on you. You just relax and enjoy.”
That proposal intrigued me. After all, who wouldn’t want to let their partner take the lead?
When we finally tried it, my initial hesitation melted away. He prepared the device—chubby, pink, and somewhat phallic—and turned it on. To my surprise, the pleasure was overwhelming. I experienced sensations I hadn’t felt in years, and that device quickly transitioned from “The Thing” to “My Toy.” Now, it’s a staple in our intimate moments, allowing me to experience orgasms I thought were lost.
My husband approached the idea of introducing this new toy with care and consideration. He broached the subject gently and was ready to accept the possibility of losing the money spent if I didn’t like it. In general, it’s wise to have a conversation before making such an investment, ensuring you both select something enjoyable. I’m grateful he chose for me rather than asking for my input, as I would have laughed off the idea completely.
If you’re contemplating your first vibrator purchase, engage in conversations with trusted friends and do thorough research. The options can be overwhelmingly vast, but informed choices often lead to the most satisfying experiences.
Importantly, my husband also provided me with agency. Since he initiated the idea, I had the power to accept or decline. My initial rejection stemmed from my unfounded fear of “robot sex,” but he patiently addressed my concerns, emphasizing that he would control the device. His willingness to listen and respond to my feelings made me feel valued, ultimately convincing me to give it a try.
What’s more, this experience was about us. While it was undeniably pleasurable for me to experience intense orgasms, my husband found joy in seeing me enjoy myself. It strengthened our connection rather than detracted from it, which was truly wonderful.
Now, I’m even considering upgrading my vibrator! I’ve heard that as you invest more, they start to resemble less of a traditional penis and more like unique devices—like the Hitachi wand, which has a devoted following among women. We’re also exploring the idea of adding cock rings into our mix. It’s safe to say that my perceptions of “robot sex” have undergone a complete transformation.
In summary, introducing a vibrator into our intimate life has significantly enhanced our sexual experiences and deepened our connection. If you’re considering similar steps, remember to communicate openly with your partner, and choose a toy that excites you both.
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