If you’ve got some extra cash burning a hole in your pocket after the holiday season, you might be debating whether to invest in your children’s future or splurge on a $15,000 gold vibrator. Who hasn’t daydreamed about trading in family vacations for a lavish piece of pleasure? Decisions, decisions.
Introducing Inez, a dazzling gold vibrator that makes us question the need for diamonds, new cars, or even charitable donations when such opulent toys are available. Unlike the hollow disappointment of chocolate Easter bunnies, Inez is solid gold and ready to fulfill your desires. But honestly, shelling out $15,000 for anything that doesn’t handle household chores or provide daily affirmations seems a bit excessive.
Lelo, the company behind this extravagant gadget, claims it’s “perfect for those who understand that you can’t put a price on pleasure.” Really? Because I just polished off a bag of holiday cookies while wearing my thermal long underwear and washed it down with cheap wine. No cost, but tons of joy. I could have easily enjoyed myself with a reasonably priced vibrator afterward, but that was enough fun for one night. Moms are master budgeters, and believe me, they absolutely know how to put a price on pleasure.
Lelo describes the gold vibrator as “luxurious for that dressy but boring party,” implying that people actually bring sex toys to stuffy gatherings to spice things up while fancy hors d’oeuvres circulate. Sounds totally normal, right? Another claim is its “beautiful silhouette for sumptuous pleasure,” expertly sculpted to target the G-spot. But let’s be real—many affordable items achieve the same goal without the hefty price tag. Inez also boasts 8 settings, just like my vacuum cleaner and favorite blender, which is not exactly what I’d call groundbreaking.
Believe it or not, some women have actually shelled out cash for this extravagant toy and left reviews saying things like “adding temperature changes to a dildo sent me TO THE MOON.” That sounds like an expensive heating bill for your intimate moments. And isn’t there a lube for that? My $7 bottle of warming jelly and hand-held shower massager have sent me soaring without breaking the bank.
One enthusiastic reviewer even left feedback while using it, exclaiming, “It was so wonderful. Thank you. It’s still in.” Perhaps she needs a little adventure in her life. For instance, I just treated myself to a massive Toblerone from Target and spent an hour in the makeup aisle; that was more enjoyable than any orgasm I’ve ever had.
So, if you’ve dreamed of owning a luxury item that’ll make your friends green with envy, this is your moment. But I highly recommend testing out a more affordable vibrator first. Remember, a gold vibrator doesn’t have magical properties or perform botox. Plus, I doubt anyone will be envious of your pleasure derived from a gold vibrator versus a cucumber. But a giant Toblerone all to yourself? Now that’s the real treasure.
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In summary, while a $15,000 gold vibrator might sound tempting, there are far more practical ways to spend your money. A little creativity and a trip to your local store can yield just as much enjoyment—without breaking the bank.