Let me kick things off by being honest: I have a large bust. You know, the kind where you’d be halfway through the alphabet before you could even guess my bra size. This “gift” from the Genetic Fairy hit me when I was just 11, attracting the wrong kind of attention from middle school boys and making simple activities like handstands a total nightmare. (Seriously, I couldn’t breathe!) Thus began my long-standing love-hate relationship with my chest.
Now, if you’re one of those blessed B-cup gals chuckling, “I’d love to have those,” please take a moment to recognize your Tiny Titty Privilege. The struggle is incredibly real for women with ample bosoms, and honestly, I’d join your IBTC (Itty Bitty Titty Committee) in a heartbeat. If there were a breast tissue donation bus parked at the local Walmart, you’d find me in the chair all day, munching on free snacks and collecting T-shirts as I donated every last bit.
But alas, such an option doesn’t exist, and maybe I’m a bit bitter about it.
Want to know why? Seriously, ask me.
Let’s rewind to the day I bought my first real bra. While my preteen friends were happily picking out cute A-cups at trendy stores, I found myself sulking in the grown-up section of a department store like Sears, waiting to be “measured” by a little old lady who wore floral prints and had a scent reminiscent of baby powder.
When my turn finally came, I entered a massive dressing room and underwent what felt like a TSA-level strip-down. With a measuring tape in hand, Grandma Baby Powder had me stand, spin, and stretch my arms out. I felt like a county fair watermelon as she marveled at my “impressive” dimensions.
“You must have a family history of large-busted women,” she remarked dryly, which did nothing to ease my preteen embarrassment. After scribbling down some numbers, she returned with two options: a Pepto-pink bra fit for a grandma or a flesh-toned contraption that looked like a post-operative sling.
“Is this seriously all you have?” I squeaked, hoping for something—anything—better.
“You’re lucky we even carry your size,” she replied. “We usually don’t stock cups this large.”
This “large” label was mortifying. My eyes widened at the thought that even a store as extensive as Sears couldn’t accommodate me. I glanced down at those monstrous bras and felt a wave of despair wash over me. My mom turned to the sales clerk and quietly said we’d take them both.
At checkout, I was horrified to discover that those two ugly bras cost as much as a small car payment. “They’ll be so comfortable, honey,” my mom reassured me.
Spoiler alert: They weren’t. They were unattractive, pricey, and anything but comfortable.
This is the reality for large-breasted women, and two decades later, I’m sad to report that nothing has changed. I’ve spent years struggling to clasp four hooks behind my back, enduring back pain, ugly prints, and heartbreak when a seemingly perfect bra lets me down with broken underwire (Et tu, Brute!?).
How is it that humanity can accomplish monumental feats like landing a man on the moon or developing life-saving vaccines, yet we still can’t create a cute, comfy, and reasonably priced bra for the well-endowed? Honestly, can someone with the resources please step up? Designing a supportive bra for women with larger than average breasts shouldn’t be rocket science—especially considering the average bra size in the U.S. is a 34DD. This is a MILLION-DOLLAR IDEA.
NASA? Bill Gates? Shark Tank? Anyone? On behalf of embarrassed young women everywhere, I’m pleading for someone to craft this ultimate bra. Just one that can cater to women like me—those who steer clear of button-up shirts and wear two sports bras during a jog to avoid an accidental performance.
Four thousand years ago, the Egyptians figured out how to lift two-ton blocks to construct the pyramids. There’s simply no excuse for bra-makers today not being able to support five pounds of breast tissue in comfort. Let’s make affordable, decent bras for large-breasted women a reality—and please, let’s have options beyond two unappealing colors.
In summary, it’s high time we advocate for better options for women with larger bust sizes. We deserve bras that are not just functional but also stylish and comfortable. If you’re looking for more information on this topic, check out this insightful article from Modern Family Blog. And for those interested in home insemination options, be sure to check out this excellent resource on pregnancy.