Parenting can be a challenge for anyone, but for those of us with ADHD, it can feel like navigating a whirlwind. I rely heavily on my planner; it’s not just a convenience, but a necessity. When I bought mine on January 2, I quickly realized I was already a day behind. I spent nearly an hour scouring Facebook events, my previous year’s calendar, and asking my 8-year-old son to help me recall the recurring appointments, classes, and events that I needed to jot down. If they aren’t documented, they simply don’t exist in my mind.
Living with moderate ADHD, I once leaned more towards hyperactivity in my teenage years, but now I identify more with the inattentive type of the disorder. I managed to cope until I became a mother, at which point my world felt like it had spun out of control. It’s one thing to be disorganized when you’re childless, but once you have a baby, you want to maintain a semblance of order—especially when it comes to laying them down on a clean floor.
After years of struggling, I finally received a diagnosis from my psychiatrist and began taking medication. For the first time, everything started to click. I no longer let laundry pile up into a daunting challenge, and my living space became less cluttered. Trash day became a regular occurrence instead of a monthly surprise (my husband also deals with ADHD).
However, medication alone doesn’t resolve all my challenges. I still grapple with symptoms and the reality of being a mom with ADHD. To outsiders, I may appear as a disheveled space cadet or an overzealous organizer.
The Reality of Daily Life
Take my car, for example. After a thorough cleaning session that could take hours, it inevitably becomes a repository for accumulated items—like fast-food wrappers and forgotten bags. I often forget to use a trash bag or lose track of time, leading to a situation where fast-food cups tumble out of my minivan when the doors open. This gradual neglect is a direct result of my ADHD, and it’s a source of embarrassment when other moms are around.
Then there’s the issue of double-booking commitments. Just the other day, I promised to attend a homeschool board game event while simultaneously agreeing to take my friend’s kids to see her new kitten. In the moment, I simply lost track of my earlier commitment. Thankfully, most people are understanding, but despite my diligent use of a planner, this scenario occurs all too often.
Finding Balance with Hyperfocus
On the flip side, ADHD can lead to overcompensation through hyperfocus. When I find something that piques my interest, I obsess over it. For instance, I meticulously plan my children’s outfits a week in advance, laying out everything down to their undergarments the night before. This routine provides a sense of calm for them, especially since two of my children also have ADHD.
I’ve also channeled my hyperfocus into homeschooling. We maintain a strict schedule for subjects like reading and math, which is documented in their planners with artifacts saved for portfolios. However, hyperfocus can backfire; I may become so engrossed in projects unrelated to my kids that I lose track of time. Recently, my new sewing machine has consumed my attention, and while I’m learning to sew, my husband has taken on most of the parenting responsibilities. This has led to more screen time for the kids and less quality time spent reading together.
Last month, I became overly focused on Christmas decorations—my home was festooned with garlands and lights. Now, of course, I must pack everything away, but that’s not capturing my attention right now.
Social Dynamics and Support
Social dynamics are another hurdle. Struggling with inattentive ADHD means I often miss social cues, making it difficult to cultivate friendships with other moms. Thankfully, I’ve found a supportive group that understands me, but I still misinterpret their emotions and often find myself apologizing for misunderstandings.
Overall, I don’t believe my children suffer too much from my ADHD. They’re well-dressed and well-educated, and while I allow for a bit of chaos in our home, they enjoy their creative freedom. Still, I’m aware that they feel the impact of my struggles—such as being embarrassed by our car’s state or feeling disappointed when we double-book playdates. They sometimes wish I would shift my focus from sewing or writing to simply sitting down and reading with them.
Embracing the Journey
In the end, it’s a chaotic existence, but it’s our reality. We adapt, we manage, and we make do. Regardless of any challenges, that’s what parenting is all about. For those considering starting or expanding their families, I recommend checking out resources like Mayo Clinic’s information on IVF for valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination. And for those navigating similar journeys, you might find insights at Modern Family Blog.
Summary
Life as a mom with ADHD is a unique blend of challenges and strengths. While organization becomes a crucial part of daily life, hyperfocus can lead to both productivity and distraction. Through careful planning and support from family, it’s possible to create a nurturing environment for children, even amid the chaos. Embracing the journey with understanding and adaptability is key to thriving in motherhood.