I recently came across yet another article lamenting the struggles of being a “married-but-single-mom.” You know the kind—the ones that express their hardships because they chose to be a stay-at-home parent while their husbands clock in 60-hour work weeks, allowing them to fulfill that role. These are the moms who feel overwhelmed by their responsibilities, claiming they bear the weight of everything at home, including changing diapers and cleaning up after their husbands. They often feel isolated, believing their experiences mirror those of single mothers.
Let’s set the record straight, shall we? If you’re married, you cannot identify as a single mom. The terms “single” and “married” are opposites; they cannot coexist. You can only refer to yourself as a single mom if you’re raising children without a partner.
Is your husband away for work five out of seven nights? You’re still not a single mom. Does he work nights while you’re on a day shift? Still not a single mom. Even if he doesn’t help around the house, you are still married. The moment you describe your relationship status with the term “husband,” it negates your claim to the title of single mom.
I understand that your husband might have a demanding job and that you are the primary caregiver, which is undeniably challenging. Parenting is tough, and yes, sometimes it can feel like you’re taking care of another child. But here’s the key difference between your situation and that of a true single mom: you have a partner.
For stay-at-home moms, this partner offers financial support and emotional companionship. You have someone to share adult conversations with, even if he works long hours or travels frequently. That presence, however minimal it might seem, is a significant distinction between being a married mom and a single mom.
Call me harsh or call me bitter—my own divorce has made me a bit of both—but the title of “single mom” is not one you can legitimately claim if you’re married. I’m not disputing that your situation is difficult. I know that comparing yourself to other married moms whose husbands assist with parenting can feel frustrating and unfair. But at the end of the day, you are still in a marriage, even if it doesn’t meet the idealized version you envisioned.
When I was married, I worked a typical 8-4 job while my husband worked nights. I remember feeling like a single parent at times when the caregiving fell solely on me after 4 pm. But now, as a divorced mother who has my child five nights a week and runs two businesses, I understand the true meaning of being a single parent. I provide for my child’s financial needs and juggle a packed schedule, often feeling like I’m doing it alone.
I recognize that true single parents face immense challenges, often raising their children without any support. They are the real heroes in this parenting journey. So please, let’s keep the term “single mom” reserved for those who are genuinely navigating that path.
We all have our unique struggles, and parenting is undeniably tough regardless of your situation. The realities of marriage and child-rearing can be far from the fairy tales we imagined before becoming parents. If you’d like to explore more about the journey of parenthood, check out this excellent resource on intrauterine insemination or discover options for at-home insemination kits here.
In summary, while we can empathize with each other’s challenges, let’s not conflate the experience of married moms with that of single moms. They are different journeys, and recognizing that distinction is important.