A couple of years ago, my son invited a friend over who decided to rummage through our garage in search of toys. The result? An absolute disaster. This child, probably around eight years old, clearly felt liberated in someone else’s home, treating it like a playground. This was the same kid who, on multiple occasions, left the toilet seat down after using the bathroom and almost broke my couch by jumping on it.
Then there was another boy, still learning potty training at the age of seven, who had an unfortunate accident right in my hallway. Instead of owning up to it, he just allowed it to slide down his leg and rest on my carpet. Unsurprisingly, he didn’t mention a word about it, leaving me to discover the mess myself.
And let’s not forget the little girls who come over to hang out with my daughter. They run through the house shrieking, turning on the hose during summer, and leaving my food out of the fridge. They also have a talent for pulling every toy out of the toy box without putting a single one back.
While none of these incidents are crimes, they certainly create chaos in my home. I think it’s safe to say that most parents with young kids can relate to having similar experiences with their children’s friends. If you’re fortunate enough to have well-behaved guests who never leave a mess or pee on your toilet seat, then I celebrate your good fortune.
In my home, when friends come over, the noise and disorder become overwhelming. Ironically, my partner thrives in this environment; it hardly phases her. However, I find it exhausting. Perhaps it’s because I’m naturally introverted and see my home as a retreat from social interaction.
Here’s the catch: My children have friends over constantly. I rarely turn down their requests unless there’s a compelling reason. I keep my feelings to myself, engaging in games and preparing snacks for their friends because I love my kids.
The truth is, disliking the influx of my children’s friends doesn’t make me a bad parent. Here’s why: In college, I took an Ethics course where we explored the motivations of two philanthropists. One, let’s call him Philanthropist A, was all about recognition; he wanted the praise that came with his donations. The other, Philanthropist B, grumbled about giving but did it anyway because he knew it was the right thing to do.
The question posed was: Who was the better philanthropist? I argued for Philanthropist B. Both were doing good, but B’s motivations were genuine.
Similarly, parenting isn’t about feeling comfortable or loving every one of your children’s friends. It’s not about keeping your home spotless or your fridge organized. It’s about unconditional love and making sacrifices for your children’s happiness, even when it’s inconvenient.
I want my children to have a rich childhood filled with friendships, which means I need to allow playdates, even if they make me uncomfortable. If you feel the same way and still open your home to your kids’ friends, you’re doing exactly what a responsible parent does. You’re making personal sacrifices for their joy, and that’s commendable. Love is an action—an active choice. Allowing your kids to have their friends over, even when it’s not your cup of tea, shows your love. And let’s hope for fewer surprises in the hallway next time.
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In summary, allowing your children’s friends over can be challenging, but it’s a valuable part of their growth and happiness. Embracing the chaos, even when it feels uncomfortable, is a vital aspect of loving them well.