During a recent conversation with a fellow mom, I shared that my eldest child has faced challenges with alcohol dependence since his teenage years. Her reaction was immediate: “Oh my goodness, you must feel so guilty!” I’ve encountered many reactions over the years when discussing my child’s struggles. Some people share their own experiences, while others express sympathy or awkwardly change the subject. However, it’s rare that someone suggests I should feel guilty for my child’s addiction.
When I replied, “No, not at all,” the surprise on her face was telling. This is one reason I choose to be open about my situation. I believe that the secrets we keep can be detrimental to our well-being. By sharing my story, I hope to provide support to others who may be facing similar challenges. The stigma surrounding addiction can lead many to suffer in silence and shame.
We often hear parents discussing their children’s achievements, but it’s uncommon to hear someone admit they had to bail their child out of trouble. Parenting can be a daunting journey, and on tough days, we need support more than ever.
Connecting with other women who have navigated similar paths helped me realize that my family’s situation is not unique, and it doesn’t define my worth as a mother. These women became my guiding light during dark times, and I strive to do the same for others by sharing my truth.
People often fear what they do not understand. If someone has never experienced addiction firsthand, it’s easy to generalize or demonize those affected. However, addiction impacts many families, even if they may not openly acknowledge it.
It’s crucial to recognize that addiction is a disease, not a moral failing or character flaw. No one would dare ask a parent of a child with a chronic illness, such as cancer or diabetes, if they feel guilty. Similarly, a mother should not bear the weight of guilt for her child’s addiction.
The phenomenon known as “mommy guilt” can be pervasive. We often feel we are not doing enough, and this self-imposed pressure can be overwhelming. We shouldn’t compound our struggles with judgment from others. The challenges of dealing with addiction are already substantial without the added burden of societal expectations.
It’s important to note that parenting mistakes do not cause addiction. If that were the case, every parent would have an addict in their family, as no one is perfect. I do not feel responsible for my son’s choices nor do I feel ashamed of him. My emotions toward him include love, compassion, worry, and hope—guilt does not fit into that spectrum.
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In summary, addiction is a complex issue that touches many families. As parents, we must support each other rather than succumb to guilt or shame. Sharing our stories can help lift the veil of stigma surrounding addiction.