By: Jordan Miller
From the moment my son entered the world, I knew parenting him would be a unique journey filled with challenges. He was always alert and constantly seeking stimulation, which made it difficult to accomplish everyday tasks. At times, I found myself feeling overwhelmed and questioning my abilities as a parent. However, I soon realized that my son was simply a high-demand child.
Now at four years old, while his needs remain significant, I’ve developed strategies to manage them more effectively. Raising a high-demand child is undeniably tough, requiring a delicate balance between honoring their feelings and setting appropriate boundaries to ensure they don’t grow up entitled. The struggle is very real.
To put it bluntly, the first six months of my child’s life were incredibly taxing. From around five weeks old, he dictated his own sleep schedule, opting for long daytime wake periods and choosing the early hours of 4:00 AM to start his day. He craved constant interaction, desired to be held, and nursed incessantly. I felt like I was sinking.
Living with my parents during this time proved to be an additional challenge. My son, a hefty twelve pounds of energy, brought a whirlwind of chaos into our home. His cries were not just whimpers but full-blown screams that echoed through the house, leaving my parents feeling helpless in their attempts to soothe him. The only one who seemed to calm him was me. Exhausted and overwhelmed, I often faced judgment from friends and family who suggested I was spoiling him. But in reality, I was simply responding to a child who needed me to understand him.
Parents of high-demand children often find themselves isolated, as those without similar experiences struggle to comprehend the challenges we face. As a first-time parent, I was plagued with self-doubt, questioning whether I was being too indulgent or if I was simply failing as a mother. However, I quickly learned that being a parent of a high-demand child does not equate to being a bad parent. We are doing our best in the face of immense challenges. One vital piece of advice I’ve encountered is to manage expectations—both for your child and yourself. You’re navigating a different path than many others, and comparisons will only lead to frustration.
One of my ongoing struggles is filtering through the advice from friends and family, none of whom had experiences like mine. I was a compliant child myself, eager to please and follow the rules. I soon recognized that I needed to disregard their well-meaning suggestions about methods like “crying it out” and instead offer my son the affection and attention he so desperately required.
As high-demand children grow, it becomes crucial to discern between genuine needs and attention-seeking behaviors. My son often seeks reassurance that I’m nearby, and when he doesn’t feel that presence, it can lead to emotional turmoil. While he does seek attention, I’ve learned to recognize when to meet that need and when to hold my ground. For instance, during emotional outbursts, walking away can be an effective way for me to regain control. By allowing him to express his feelings while maintaining my own boundaries, I help him learn that not every demand will be met immediately.
Many high-demand children struggle with self-regulation, especially when emotions peak. Once my son becomes upset, it can feel impossible to redirect him. Sometimes, I simply have to ride out the storm, which can be exhausting. When he’s at that heightened state of emotion, neither of us is in a place to communicate effectively, often resulting in both of us in tears.
My son experiences emotions intensely, as do many high-demand children. Even the simplest request—like getting ready for bed or taking a bath—can lead to a full-scale meltdown. In those moments, I allow him to express himself while continuing with my plans, showing that while I acknowledge his feelings, I won’t concede to every demand. Yet there are times when I’m tempted to give in just to escape the chaos, like letting him eat ice cream for dinner to avoid a drawn-out argument. But I remind myself that without limits, he might grow up believing he can get his way by simply throwing a fit.
Parenting a high-demand child requires a unique approach—one that blends flexibility with firmness. It’s essential to tap into your intuition and trust your instincts. I’ve learned to differentiate between manipulation and genuine need. It’s a delicate dance of knowing when to stand firm and when to show compassion, and it’s not always straightforward.
The world often struggles to accommodate high-demand children, and my goal is to prepare my son for a society that may not understand him. While the journey is challenging, each milestone we reach fills me with pride, not just for him but for myself as well.
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Summary
Raising a high-demand child presents unique challenges that require patience, understanding, and a tailored approach to parenting. By managing expectations, trusting instincts, and balancing empathy with boundaries, parents can navigate the complexities of their child’s needs while fostering a healthy parent-child relationship.