Lifestyle
By Grace Harper
I started to notice changes in my daughter, Lily, over the past few months. She seemed perpetually irritable, frequently retreated to her room for hours to tackle homework, struggled with sleep, and indulged in late-night ice cream straight from the tub. I initially chalked it up to the pressures of high school and the overwhelming stream of distressing news. After all, who hasn’t felt the weight of mass shootings, devastating wildfires, the #MeToo movement, and the ongoing threats to our healthcare and rights from those in power?
I made it a point to check in with Lily throughout the day. Did she need anything? How could I assist her with her workload? Was everything alright with her friends? What did she want for dinner? Each time, she brushed me off, asserting she was fine and that I just wouldn’t understand.
I reached out to her pediatrician, who reassured me that what I was observing was typical teenage behavior. However, she advised me to keep an eye on her, particularly if Lily continued to withdraw from social connections. My friends with teenage daughters echoed similar sentiments, suggesting that this was just a phase, a part of her journey to self-discovery.
I wanted to believe that my once vibrant and cheerful daughter would bounce back. Yet, deep down, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something more profound was at play. It was that instinctive maternal intuition that warned me she was struggling, even if the signs weren’t glaringly obvious.
Then came the devastating news from her school: a classmate had taken her own life. The girl, who had moved from across the country just that summer, had only been at the school for a few weeks when she stepped in front of a train. Though Lily didn’t know her well, she remembered her warm smile and the homemade muffins she often shared. The tragedy left my daughter feeling desolate, withdrawn, and exposed.
According to a recent report from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), the suicide rate among girls aged 15 to 19 doubled between 2007 and 2015. While boys still have a higher overall rate, the alarming increase among adolescent girls is deeply concerning. My daughter’s behavior had already raised red flags for me, but this news propelled me into a state of heightened vigilance. Still, I grappled with how to approach her without pushing her further away.
As my oldest child, every new stage with Lily feels like uncharted territory. We navigate these challenges together, learning as we go and frequently stumbling along the way. I needed her to trust me, so I decided to give her some space. I reduced the number of questions I asked but remained close by. I occupied myself in the kitchen, ensuring she knew I was available whenever she resurfaced for ice cream or popcorn. I attempted to appear casual, but my heart was heavy with concern.
Finally, just a few days after her friend’s tragic passing, Lily approached me and revealed her truth: “I’m depressed.”
She used the word “depressed”—not stressed, anxious, or unhappy, but depressed.
I wrapped my arms around her, fully empathizing with her feelings. I refrained from downplaying her emotions or questioning her understanding of them. Depression runs in my family, affecting my grandmother, mother, and myself. While my mother relied on medication, I have sought therapy to manage my own struggles. I understand the depths of sadness and the challenges of confronting it.
Adolescence is notoriously difficult. The hormonal upheaval, combined with academic and social pressures, creates an environment ripe for anxiety and stress. What’s troubling is the rising rates of depression among teenagers, particularly girls. Research from 2017 indicates that one-third of teenage girls will experience a first episode of depression by age 17—nearly three times the rate for boys. Factors like low self-esteem and negative thought patterns contribute significantly to this disparity. The constant connectivity and pressures of social media only exacerbate these feelings, leaving many girls feeling anxious and inadequate.
I felt immense relief when Lily finally came to me, expressing her need for support. For me, understanding her situation was crucial; depression, while daunting, is a known entity. I know its impact, but I also recognize the path to recovery—starting with opening up to someone and seeking help.
I wanted Lily to understand that there’s no shame in feeling this way, so I shared my own experiences with therapy. When she asked if she could see someone as well, I readily agreed. The relief that crossed her face suggested she may have needed this reassurance all along: the space to articulate her feelings and a listener who wouldn’t bombard her with questions.
Taking our children seriously when they disclose feelings of depression is undeniably frightening. We never want them to feel so despondent that they can’t rise from bed; we certainly want to prevent them from considering suicide as a solution to their pain. However, we often find ourselves at a loss regarding how to respond or when to intervene. What we can do is be attentive to their emotions, assure them that there’s nothing shameful about experiencing depression, and help them access professional support as soon as possible. While our teenagers may no longer require us to hold their hands as they cross the street, they still need us to be there for them in their moments of vulnerability.
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Summary: In this article, we explore the daunting reality of adolescent depression, particularly among teenage girls, through a personal narrative. It emphasizes the importance of recognizing signs of depression, the necessity of open dialogue between parents and children, and the critical role of seeking professional help. Amidst rising rates of mental health issues in teens, it is essential for parents to provide support, understanding, and resources to navigate these challenging waters together.