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You Can Be an Amazing Parent with a Cluttered Home
by Jamie Parker
Dec. 18, 2023
Last night, after an exhausting debate with my son and daughter about their homework while also entertaining our preschooler so my partner could finish dinner, we finally cleared the table of toys, school books, and snack bowls to share a family meal. The surface still had a bit of stickiness—who knows from what.
My daughter Lucy appeared at the table wearing a headpiece from a past unicorn costume, beaming with joy. The rest of the outfit was probably strewn across the house, but it didn’t matter; she was absolutely adorable. Waving her magical horn, she humorously attempted to turn our chicken tacos into candy. While she didn’t succeed, the laughter that followed was infectious, and even our elementary-aged child joined in.
After saying grace, we chatted about school, discussing how to improve for the coming year and whether any of those disappointing grades could be salvaged. We also talked about signing up for gymnastics next school year and our upcoming family trip to Disneyland.
Behind us, the kitchen resembled a disaster area. It would be challenging to find an organized section of counter space. Our living room floor was tidy, and our bookshelf was neatly arranged, but that was only because it’s the first thing visitors notice when they enter our home—we like to keep up appearances.
The reality is, if someone were to take a real tour of our home—an uninterrupted stroll—they’d encounter plenty of chaos. They’d likely stumble upon a stray pair of underwear my son left on the floor, open dresser drawers, and unmade beds. They’d have to navigate around scattered toys, crumbs, and perhaps the remnants of breakfast from earlier that day. All the art projects and schoolwork that cluttered the table would be shifted to a back room, along with baskets of clean but unfolded laundry that originally occupied our living room chair.
Yet, despite this messiness, it doesn’t mean we’re failing as parents. In fact, I believe we’re doing quite well. My partner and I have wonderful kids who talk to us openly about everything from friendships to future aspirations. Our children are engaged in extracurricular activities and won’t go to bed without a dozen hugs and kisses. We share laughter every day, and our kids are truly enjoying their childhood—all of this within a lovingly chaotic home.
Reflecting back on my early days as a father a decade ago, I often questioned why our home was so messy. I made excuses when guests came over, fearing judgment. I felt shame at times, even blaming my partner for the disorder—an action I deeply regret and have since apologized for. It took time for me to realize that we are nurturing three smart, kind-hearted children with great values and a good sense of humor, despite the clutter surrounding us.
So, if you’re reading this at your cluttered kitchen table or in a living room piled with half-folded laundry, know that you are not alone. Your home may be well-lived in; you might feel at your wit’s end trying to convince your child to drop their dirty clothes just a few inches away into the basket. You likely long for the day when your little boy, who you adore, learns to aim properly in the bathroom. But chances are, you’re raising bright, wonderful children whom you love deeply—that’s what truly counts.
I am not suggesting that a clean house indicates poor parenting. However, I urge you not to judge families with messy homes and thriving children because, in reality, they are likely doing a lot of things right. For more practical parenting tips and insights, check out Modern Family Blog, an authority on this topic. And if you’re considering options for family planning, Resolve is an excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.
In conclusion, a happy, loving family can thrive even in the midst of chaos and clutter. Embrace the mess; it often signifies a home filled with love and laughter.