One of the most frequently asked questions I receive about my relationship, aside from our origin story (spoiler: we didn’t meet online despite our fifteen-year age gap), is, “Are you planning to get married?”
This is a completely valid inquiry. My partner, Jake, and I have been together for nearly eight years, share two wonderful children, and have cohabited for most of our relationship. We manage our finances together, share a phone plan, and indulge in the usual couple bickering—his habit of leaving dirty dishes around drives me crazy, while I have a tendency to toss my entire wardrobe on our bed when getting dressed. We’re undeniably in love and attracted to each other, just like any married couple.
Before diving deeper, let me clarify: we do intend to marry someday. I also want to emphasize that I respect those who choose to marry or are already married; it’s entirely their choice. People should feel free to live their lives as they see fit.
What Doesn’t Fit the Traditional Marriage Mold?
But what is it about our relationship that doesn’t fit the traditional marriage mold? Why is a wedding seen as a “requirement” for a partnership like ours? The truth is, outside of some fancy jewelry and potential tax benefits, I don’t see how marriage would fundamentally change our lives. Would it really make us a more complete family? Would adopting his last name create a stronger bond? Honestly, these factors don’t seem like compelling reasons to tie the knot.
Sometimes, my biggest motivation for getting married is simply to avoid saying “my boyfriend” anymore. I occasionally use the term “partner,” but I’ve read that it originated within the LGBTQ community, and I certainly don’t want to disrespect their history or diminish their struggles for rights. Moreover, when I refer to Jake as “my boyfriend,” people often mistakenly assume he’s not the father of my children, leading to an exhausting introduction where I have to explain our entire situation.
Mixed Feelings About Marriage
I find myself grappling with mixed feelings about marriage. On one hand, societal norms can make me feel pressured to conform to expectations. There are moments when I sense judgment for not being married, as if I’m somehow settling for a relationship that I’m not genuinely content with. I also worry about how our daughter feels; she has started asking when we’ll get married, which makes me wonder if she feels insecure about our status.
Yet, once I sift through those doubts, I realize why the lack of a wedding doesn’t trouble me.
It’s quite simple, really. Jake is my best friend, and I am deeply in love with him. He is an incredible father and loves me unconditionally. We are engaged parents who share the same values that are essential for a strong partnership. We look forward to our future together and the family we’ve built. I feel secure and cherished every day, and a ring on my finger won’t amplify that love.
Why I’m Not in a Hurry
When I reflect on all the sentimental aspects of our relationship, I remind myself why I’m not overly concerned about when we’ll marry. I don’t need a wedding to validate what we already have. What comes next is merely a celebration to affirm our commitment.
That said, I’ve essentially planned our wedding in my mind. I know the color scheme, the type of dress I envision, and even the menu. After eight years together, there’s plenty of time to dream about the big day without feeling the urgency to rush into it.
I genuinely want to marry Jake. I wish to publicly express my love for him in front of our family and friends. I’m just not in a hurry to make it happen.
As I mentioned, that ring would simply be a stunning piece of jewelry—truly beautiful.
Resources for Consideration
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Summary
This article explores the author’s feelings about not being married to the father of her children. She discusses societal pressures, personal reflections on love and commitment, and her eventual desire to marry, while emphasizing that her current relationship is fulfilling and secure without the need for a formal wedding.