Allowing a toddler to wander next to you in a busy store is akin to taking an enthusiastic puppy for a stroll without a leash. They stop to inspect every intriguing item and might suddenly bolt in any direction. I was aware of this challenge, but in my bleary-eyed state, I didn’t argue when my four-year-old insisted on walking instead of riding in the cart. With a ten-month-old to manage, I opted for the easier path.
My little one paused at a display of vibrant butterfly slippers, her eyes lighting up over a massive container of building blocks. Remarkably, she managed to stay focused for 20 minutes—until we reached the checkout line.
That’s when she spotted a gigantic bag of candy positioned right at her eye level. Those clever marketers sure know how to place temptations! Just as I began to congratulate myself on a relatively smooth shopping trip, the atmosphere changed dramatically.
“Come on, sweetheart,” I coaxed, trying to maintain my calm demeanor. “No candy today. You don’t even like those, right?”
She looked at me incredulously, as if I had suggested we fly to the moon. “I love them!” she shrieked, throwing herself onto the floor in a full-blown tantrum. The baby, startled awake, joined in with her own cries, and I was left juggling an upset toddler and a wailing infant.
Then, out of nowhere, an older gentleman approached with a scowl. “What’s wrong with her?” he barked, pointing accusatorily at my daughter. “You need to get her out of here!” He turned and walked away, leaving me on the floor, both embarrassed and infuriated.
In that moment, I questioned if there was something wrong with my child. Sure, she could be stubborn and spirited, and yes, I had read books about strong-willed children. But never had I thought of her as “wrong.” She was simply herself—a vibrant, emotional child navigating her feelings, and, might I add, she was only four years old.
My instinct was to scoop up my children and flee, but I also felt compelled to confront that rude stranger. How dare he label my child as flawed? While her behavior might not have been ideal, it certainly didn’t mean there was something inherently wrong with her feelings.
Let’s be clear: children are new to this world and experience emotions just as intensely as adults do, but they still need to learn how to manage them. They may act out or exhibit loud and disruptive behavior, but that’s just part of being a kid. They express their feelings—sometimes loudly—because they are still figuring out their place in the world.
Kids can be unpredictable and even embarrassing at times. They often disregard our instructions and seem to act contrary to our wishes. But that’s perfectly normal. They’re exploring their surroundings and dealing with strong emotions, often without the skills to process them appropriately. This behavior is not just expected; it’s essential for their development.
As parents and guardians, our role is to guide them patiently and compassionately. There’s nothing inherently wrong with any child, regardless of their actions. Yes, their behavior can be inappropriate or hazardous, but labeling the child as “wrong” is harmful. It can lead them to internalize these negative labels, leading them to believe they are unworthy of love or acceptance.
If you think I’m advocating for ignoring my child’s inappropriate behavior, think again. When my child is acting out, I don’t pretend it’s not happening. I address it directly, and if she can’t adhere to expected behavior, we simply leave the situation. While I may not acknowledge her behavior in front of strangers, I firmly believe in avoiding public shaming, as it can severely impact a child’s self-esteem. Instead, I wait until we’re calm, and then we discuss what happened, helping her learn for next time.
Feeling disappointed or upset is a natural part of life. These emotions are not wrong; they are human. The goal is not to eliminate these feelings but to teach children how to manage them effectively. This learning process takes time, and children require our support and understanding, not judgment and disdain.
In the end, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being a child. If you’re interested in parenting insights, check out this article on home insemination or explore more on artificial insemination, which can provide valuable information for families considering different paths to parenthood.
Summary
Children experience intense emotions and often act out as they navigate their feelings. It’s crucial for parents to guide them without labeling their behavior as “wrong.” Understanding and empathy are key to helping children learn to manage their emotions effectively.