Dear Daughter,
As you enter a new chapter in your life, relationships with young men will soon become a significant focus. You’ll find yourself navigating the intricate world of dating, pouring time and energy into discovering what you truly seek in a partner. Throughout this journey, you will encounter many individuals drawn to your beauty, both inside and out, and some who may seem like potential future partners.
As we embark on this conversation (how did we arrive at this moment so quickly?!), it’s crucial to recognize the distinct difference between a “nice guy” and a genuinely good man.
Back in college, I had a friend named Sarah who became seriously involved with a guy we’ll call Mark. Mark was a charming presence, a gentle giant who had a knack for making everyone feel at ease. He showered Sarah with thoughtful gifts and crafted memorable dates filled with laughter. He treated her like royalty, often proclaiming that she embodied everything he desired in a partner.
However, Mark also had a troubling pattern of behavior. He engaged in dishonesty and infidelity, leading her on only to let her down repeatedly. After a fight, he would often drown his sorrows in alcohol, resulting in reckless encounters with other women. The following day, he would turn on the charm, offering apologies and promises of change, only for the cycle to repeat itself.
To many, Mark appeared to be a “nice guy,” but his actions spoke volumes about his character, revealing he wasn’t a good man.
It’s all too easy for women to be drawn to “nice guys.” They often come across as charming, engaging conversationalists, and they have a way of making a great first impression. With their boyish smiles and flattering words, they can easily create a facade of being good men, even when they aren’t.
As you journey through life, you’ll meet your fair share of nice guys. However, it’s vital to discern that not all of them possess the qualities of a truly good man. Initially, distinguishing between the two may be challenging, so it’s wise to invest time in understanding someone’s true character before diving headfirst into a relationship. The more experiences you have with both nice guys and good men, the clearer the distinction will become.
A nice guy might know the right words to win your heart, but a good man will demonstrate his worth through consistent actions.
A nice guy may bring laughter into your life, but a good man won’t bring you tears. A nice guy might compliment your beauty, but a good man will recognize and nurture your inner beauty. A nice guy may hold the door for you, while a good man will provide support when you’re feeling unwell, take care of your children during tough times, and hold your hand through life’s challenges.
A nice guy might offer you his jacket, but a good man will offer you his unwavering support, his energy, and his whole heart. A nice guy will buy you flowers, but a good man will invest in your aspirations and dreams. A nice guy may walk you to your car, but a good man will walk alongside you, navigating life together through its ups and downs.
A nice guy will express his love with words, while a good man will show his love through both his words and actions. A nice guy may make you feel cherished today, but a good man will ensure you know you are valued for a lifetime.
If Sarah had chosen to marry Mark—who did propose—she would have made a grave mistake. When she sought my advice, I told her honestly: nice guys are not always good men. It’s essential to avoid marrying a nice guy unless you can confidently affirm that he is also a good man.
As you contemplate a serious relationship with someone who makes you feel special, remember to keep this distinction in mind. Has this individual consistently demonstrated responsibility, honesty, kindness, and integrity? Or is he simply charming and enjoyable without proving himself through actions?
It’s all too easy to fall for nice guys—I admit I’ve been there myself, and I’m sure many women have as well. When the time comes to seek a partner, focus on finding a good man, not just a nice guy. Trust me; they’re out there.
Love,
Mom
Summary
In this heartfelt letter, a mother advises her daughter about the difference between “nice guys” and “good men” as she embarks on her dating journey. While nice guys may appear charming and sweet, they often lack the integrity and genuine character of good men. The mother emphasizes the importance of recognizing this distinction to ensure her daughter chooses a partner who is truly deserving of her love and respect.