Hey there, kids. I want to have an honest conversation with you about something that’s been on my mind: our home feels like a battlefield lately. Seriously. You’re at that age where you crave more freedom, and that’s understandable, but it often leads to a tug-of-war situation between us.
You might not realize it, but you’re actually seeking boundaries, and it’s my responsibility to establish them. You constantly request things I’m just not comfortable with. For example, while I feel okay leaving you home alone for errands (you’re nearly 14, 12, and 10—what a relief!), the idea of your friends or girlfriends coming over while I’m away? Absolutely not.
I’ve explained my reasoning numerous times. It’s too tempting to engage in activities you shouldn’t without supervision, and once you test those limits and get away with it, it becomes a slippery slope toward more dangerous behavior. Sometimes, parents simply need to say “No” without extensive explanations. Yet, I aim to use these moments as teaching opportunities, helping you make wise choices.
Having been a teenager myself, I understand that teens don’t always make the best decisions, and it’s clear you all enjoy having fun. Let’s face it, none of you are exactly angels. So, I set firm boundaries and occasionally embrace the role of the “strict mom.” We’ve moved past the days when the biggest issues were sneaking cookies or borrowing each other’s devices without asking; now I have to be more vigilant than ever about your actions.
This constant vigilance can feel like a heavy burden to you, and I know it often leads to frustration. Just the other day, one of you expressed your anger, and I found myself saying, “I don’t care if you’re upset with me.” And truthfully, I didn’t.
But on some level, I did care. When I say I don’t mind your frustration, what I really mean is this: I won’t change my decisions just because you’re upset. I have more experience than you do regarding what’s safe for you. I remember those teenage years when I thought I deserved more freedom than I was ready for.
I know it feels monumental to you right now; it was for me too. I understand that taking something away feels unfair, but I would rather endure your anger than risk your safety or someone else’s in the process. I care deeply for you, and the reason you’re upset is that you desire more control over your life. Someday, you will have that control—but today is not that day.
Voicing your displeasure and claiming I’m unfair won’t sway my decisions. I’m not here to argue with you. Accept this reality and respond in the responsible way I expect. It’s important for you to be happy, but I’m not obligated to ensure your happiness at all times. My duty is to look out for your best interests—are we clear?
You’re not mature enough to dive into the waters you’re eager to swim in, and I’m here to be your life jacket for a little while longer. I don’t care if you feel embarrassed about what others might think; your well-being is my priority.
I’ll gradually grant you more freedom, but we both need to be prepared for it. If I allow you to engage in activities you think you’re ready for and something terrible occurs, the consequences would far exceed the temporary silent treatment you might give me. I love you too much to take that risk.
So, I can handle you being mad at me because it’s the lesser of two evils. I get why you’re frustrated, and I do care a bit. But not enough to let you make choices you might regret. I can deal with the eye rolls and the days you choose to sulk in your room; it’s a small price to pay compared to the potential outcomes of reckless decisions.
Because, at the end of the day, moms do care when our kids are upset with us. Just not enough to compromise safety, open every door, or allow disrespectful behavior.
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Summary
Establishing boundaries is crucial for kids as they seek independence. While it may lead to frustration and anger, parents must prioritize safety over pleasing their children. It’s essential to communicate that their anger won’t change decisions made for their well-being.