When I was expecting, meticulously folding those tiny outfits and sanitizing pacifiers, I often pondered what motherhood would truly entail. However, I never considered the kind of friendships I would need (and make) as a new mom. It didn’t dawn on me that my pre-baby friendships might shift, that my single or child-free friends might struggle to understand the exhaustion of sleepless nights with a fussy infant, or that my girls’ nights out could be temporarily sidelined.
As you embark on this journey of motherhood, you begin seeking out a new tribe—individuals who are navigating the same chaos and joy that you are. Often, the new moms you meet at local parks or coffee shops become substitutes for your old social circle. The women you encounter at mom meet-ups, who share your look of bewilderment, can be the most comforting presence in your life, reassuring you that you are not alone.
Cliques persist beyond high school or college; they infiltrate the workplace, seep into the realm of motherhood, and, if you’re fortunate, you discover your very own supportive squad. Early on, I recognized the type of moms I wanted in my life, but finding them takes time. I truly believe it’s worth the effort to connect with those who accept you in all your messy glory because, let’s face it, we’re all a bit of a wreck at times. I prefer to surround myself with moms who acknowledge this reality.
Motherhood is a challenge, and the last thing I need is another mom in the same situation telling me that managing meals, sleep, and hygiene is never an issue for her, so I should just get it together. No, thank you.
Here’s what I look for in my mom squad:
- You find joy in simple outings like a trip to Target for a new feather duster or steam cleaner. Sometimes, we even make it a date, treating each other to lattes. Chatting in my car while munching on stale pretzels still counts as a fun outing because we’re together.
- You can appreciate luxury items like Italian leather, but you don’t need them to define our friendship. We can admire fine fabrics and encourage each other to indulge in a beautiful handbag every now and then (we absolutely deserve it), but you won’t judge me for my faux leather pants or imitation crocodile heels snagged on sale.
- You value the little things and genuinely appreciate when I bring you flowers from my garden and a handmade card from my children for your birthday.
- You’re too occupied worrying about your own kids to criticize other mothers. Your focus is on navigating your own parenting challenges, not judging what Susan is wearing or how she feeds her kids.
- You enjoy the same music I do and don’t bat an eye at the fact that my kids can belt out every lyric to songs by The Chainsmokers.
- You need me in your life. You’re open about your struggles and never hide behind a façade in our friendship. You embrace me without pretense.
- You can keep a secret. I can share the embarrassing dream I had about that guy from high school, and you won’t spill the beans. But you’ll send me a giggle-filled text when you run into him at the store. In return, you confide in me about the spat you had with your husband and the passive-aggressive remarks from your mother-in-law.
- You offer honest advice when I seek it. You don’t sugarcoat the tough stuff but give it to me straight. You’re not afraid to help me see things from another perspective because you care deeply about me.
- You are unapologetically yourself—raw, beautiful, and real. You don’t conform to anyone else’s expectations because you recognize your worth and live a life true to you. In doing so, you allow me to be my authentic self, so we can both thrive as the moms—and women—we aspire to be.
This article was originally published on Dec. 5, 2017. For more insights about motherhood and support systems, check out this post about building your mom squad.
If you’re looking for additional resources on home insemination, consider reading about the artificial insemination kit as a supportive tool in your journey. For comprehensive information on pregnancy options, the Mayo Clinic is an excellent resource.
Summary
Finding your mom squad is essential for navigating the challenges of motherhood. Surrounding yourself with supportive, genuine women who embrace your authentic self can make all the difference. Seek out those who value honesty, mutual support, and the beauty of everyday life.