When my soon-to-be fifth grader, Ethan, started pleading for a phone last summer, I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Are you serious?” I exclaimed. “I didn’t get my first phone until I was 23! What on earth do you need a phone for—one that will cost me a fortune, and that you’ll probably misplace in no time?”
As Ethan and I navigated the Great Phone Debate, we were also preparing for fifth grade—the first year children are allowed to walk home from school unaccompanied. He was eager to gain that independence, and I knew it would simplify my life, especially with his lively younger brother, Max, in the mix.
We also discussed the possibility of him walking to friends’ houses, the local deli, the library, and the pizza place. It struck me that when I was his age, payphones were ubiquitous, allowing me to call my parents whenever needed. If I decided to visit a friend’s house after school, I could easily reach out to let my parents know.
Now, however, our town has no payphones, and many families have ditched landlines. In today’s mobile-centric world, if I wanted to maintain communication with my son and support his growing independence, I realized I had to get him a phone.
A phone. At just ten years old. It felt odd, but it also seemed like the right choice.
After some research, I decided on a simple, budget-friendly flip phone that only allowed texting and calling. This way, he wouldn’t get caught up in the addictive features of a smartphone, and I wouldn’t face exorbitant data charges. Plus, if he lost it, it wouldn’t be a catastrophe. Ethan was thrilled with this plan and even pointed out that flip phones come with basic games.
When I discovered a basic plan was only $20 a month, Ethan agreed to pitch in half with his allowance, which we viewed as a great opportunity to teach him financial responsibility.
Now, here we are. To my surprise, Ethan has a phone—and it’s been working out wonderfully. When Max wants to play at the park after school, I let Ethan walk home alone. He texts me when he arrives safely, and I can text him if I’m stopping by the deli for bagels, asking if he wants one. We send each other silly jokes, and he occasionally shares his little worries or feelings with me. It’s turned out to be a fantastic way for us to connect.
Currently, he’s one of the few kids in his class with a phone. I know that eventually, other kids will follow suit, and his texts will no longer be limited to me. Like many parents, I have genuine concerns about the potential effects of texting and social media on my children. Research indicates that cyberbullying is particularly prevalent among elementary schoolers, with a study from Bridgewater State University highlighting its severity.
It seems to me that the key lies in smart parenting—educating children early on how to navigate these situations and, most importantly, how to prevent them. Ethan already engages with social media to some extent while gaming online, and we frequently discuss internet safety.
He knows never to share personal information, including his age or school. He has even reported back to me if something someone said bothered him in any way. I have access to every online account he uses, including his phone passcode, so I can monitor his activities when needed. And I plan to continue this oversight until I feel he can manage these responsibilities independently (which I admit may be never).
I’m not opposed to him getting a smartphone in the future; I don’t believe we necessarily need to adhere to the “wait until eighth grade” pledge that many advocate. As he matures, I see a growing need for him to utilize the Internet and apps for school, which will only increase with time.
While the tech landscape can be daunting for parents, it’s here to stay. We must navigate it wisely and trust our children to do the same. The key is maintaining open communication, monitoring their tech usage, and imparting lessons on online safety and kindness. Ultimately, it’s about embracing the technology we have and guiding our kids through it.
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In summary, getting my son a phone was a tough decision, but it has allowed us to communicate better and has given him a taste of independence. As he grows, I hope to guide him through the complexities of technology while ensuring he understands the importance of online safety and respect.