I’ve been breastfeeding for over seven years. Yes, you read that right. I’ve nursed both of my children for more than three years each—sometimes even four. I’m sharing this not for accolades or recognition; I’m not looking for a medal or a “Best Mom” badge. What I genuinely want is for everyone to relax about extended nursing, or continuing to breastfeed past the age of one.
I’m exhausted from feeling the need to hide this experience and facing judgmental looks for something that’s perfectly natural. Honestly, the world needs to mind its own business when it comes to my breasts and my parenting choices.
Nursing my son, who is now three and a half years old, is quite different from nursing a baby or even a young toddler. Our routine usually involves a single session per day, often right before bed. We go through our nightly ritual of putting on pajamas, brushing teeth, and finding his favorite stuffed animal. Then we settle down together, I unclip my nursing bra, and he latches on with joy. We have a little back-and-forth about grabbing, which is amusing, while I read a book and cuddle him until he drifts off to sleep. Clearly, I must be doing something terribly wrong, right? Just kidding.
Seriously, though, whose business is it, other than mine, if my child chooses to nurse beyond one year? According to statistics, only 34.9% of American infants reach that milestone. Research shows that the median weaning age for American women practicing extended breastfeeding is around 2.5 years, with some continuing until ages as high as seven years and four months. In fact, this aligns with weaning ages seen in traditional cultures, making extended nursing a norm rather than an exception.
I’ve encountered numerous misguided arguments against extended nursing, as if it’s even possible to be “against” a parenting choice that doesn’t sit well with you personally. The most egregious claim? That it’s abusive—specifically, sexually abusive. This notion is downright disturbing. If nursing a newborn isn’t abuse, what changes when that baby is three, four, or five years old? A friend of mine, who grew up in a different country, has fond memories of nursing at age five. She never felt ashamed or embarrassed about it, nor did her mother.
If you’re engaging in sexual activities while nursing an older child, or if you’re dry nursing a child who clearly isn’t interested anymore, that’s a different issue. But let’s save the “abusive” comments for something actually harmful, shall we?
Another common question is, “How old is too old?” as if those asking are involved in the nursing relationship and their opinions hold any weight. Some say, “Well, if they’re old enough to ask for it…” implying that toddler nursing is somehow inappropriate. Experts have even suggested that extended breastfeeding might hinder a child’s ability to self-soothe. To that, I say, what does that even mean? My sons, who are now seven and five, still enjoy lying down with their dad to fall asleep—does that indicate they can’t self-soothe? Absolutely not.
Extended nursing is working well for us, and what goes on in my home—what makes us happy and harms no one—is none of your concern. In fact, experts like Brian P. Kurtz, a psychiatrist at the University of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, have stated that claims regarding extended breastfeeding leading to clinginess or emotional issues don’t apply to toddlers.
Some men express concerns that extended nursing affects their relationship with their partners. One father shared that there are things he feels should remain private between adults. However, this issue is more about co-parenting dynamics than anything else, as men are part of the nursing relationship, even if it’s indirectly.
Curiously, I asked my older sons if they remember breastfeeding. They looked at me as if I’d lost my mind and both said no. Even though my younger one often nursed in public at age three and had a strong attachment at the time of weaning, it seems like the memory faded quickly.
For those seeking validation, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends continuing breastfeeding for at least one year, or longer if mutually desired by both mother and child. I want to continue nursing my three-year-old, and he wants to continue nursing, so it shouldn’t matter to anyone else what we do during our bedtime routine. Let’s all just chill out and stop judging others about their choices in extended nursing, and maybe focus on more pressing issues instead.
For more insights on parenting and family dynamics, check out Modern Family Blog. If you’re interested in artificial insemination, you can learn about at-home options with our in-depth guide on insemination kits. Additionally, for comprehensive information on infertility services, this resource from Johns Hopkins is excellent.
Summary:
This article discusses the normalization of extended nursing, sharing personal experiences while addressing common misconceptions and criticisms. The author emphasizes that the choice to nurse beyond one year is valid and supported by research, countering claims of abuse and developmental harm. Ultimately, the focus is on the mutual desire between mother and child to continue nursing, advocating for a more accepting attitude towards diverse parenting choices.