Parenting
By: Sarah Thompson
Updated: November 28, 2017
Originally Published: November 27, 2017
This week, my therapist mentioned that even working moms today dedicate more time to their children than stay-at-home mothers did back in the 1950s. Honestly, I find myself yearning for a simpler time. I envy those moms who lounged on porches, sipping cocktails while their kids played freely in the neighborhood until dinner.
In contrast, I’m glued to my phone, racing through a flood of kid-related emails while attempting to squeeze in “quality time” with whichever child I’m dropping off that day. How did we transition from that idyllic past to our current chaotic reality? Those mothers would be lost in today’s parenting environment.
The Command Center
As a mother of four, all attending different schools in New York City, I’m teetering on the edge of a breakdown. I work full-time to juggle the endless list of responsibilities, many of which I’ve taken on myself. Why did I enroll them in football, gymnastics, soccer, and animal care classes when it’s such a headache to get them there on time? But how could I deprive them of these enriching experiences? The anxiety is overwhelming!
In reality, during their unstructured time at home, they rarely seem bored. Just the other day, my younger ones spent over an hour laughing as they pulled each other around the living room on a broom. Who would’ve thought the laundry “claw” would become their favorite toy?
My email inbox resembles a disaster zone. Each class has its own curriculum night, cocktail party for parents, and coffee meet-ups. There are constant requests for snacks, donations, and special items that my children simply can’t go without—like the stuffed animal for chapel or a box of rice (yes, rice!) for the school picnic. I even added an iCal event to remind me when Eli the stuffed elephant will be coming home with us. Those moms from the 1950s didn’t have to deal with email notifications!
And it’s not just limited to school events. Every activity seems to come with its own orientation, mandatory outfit changes, and viewing classes where parents receive medals. “This week, wear black shorts and a white T-shirt!” Why? It’s a never-ending cycle of class trips, chaperoning, picture day, and PTA meetings. My calendar is overflowing, making it impossible to see what’s actually happening. Plus, I’m bombarded with apps and group texts just to stay informed about my children’s activities.
Taking Care of Myself?
Forget about adding anything for myself into the mix—like scheduling that dentist appointment for the tooth that’s been bothering me for months. And why would I even think about eating? The stress of constant parenting rarely subsides, except for that brief window from 9:30 p.m. to 11 p.m. when I can finally breathe after putting my oldest to bed, only to have my youngest come in needing water or cuddles. I should be spending that time with my husband or sorting through the 6,000 digital photos piling up, but I often find myself raiding the pantry instead. Right now, vanilla animal crackers paired with a shot of tequila are my comfort.
Speaking of beverages, I’ve never felt so reliant on that nightly glass of wine. When my doctor prescribed antibiotics recently, I delayed taking them for nearly two weeks—dreading the thought of giving up my precious evening drink.
Exercising used to be a passion of mine, but now my workouts consist of simply getting my kids to their activities. I know that even a 30-minute session on the elliptical would uplift my mood, but as soon as I hop on, I’m bombarded with calls from the school nurse or doctors’ offices. Before I know it, I’ve missed an entire song and it’s time to pick up my son from school.
I’m exhausted. I’m ready to throw in the towel—the one with my daughter’s pre-printed name tag on it. I can’t remember the Kids in Sports T-shirt day. I can’t keep track of the perfect birthday gifts for parties, and I’m struggling to balance bedtime stories with cocktail parties and math homework. I hardly have time to shave my legs, let alone get a mani/pedi. Somehow, I still manage to look somewhat put together, but inside, I’m unraveling.
In the last four years, there has only been one night when no child woke me up. On my designated days, the stress of managing four kids has not exactly aided my previous marriage. I’m also juggling custody schedules, packing for different homes, and coordinating with my ex while trying to celebrate my recent marriage. One morning, as I was checking my emails about a playdate while sifting through a note from my ex, my husband tried to get romantic. Seriously? I’m in full-on mom mode here!
With the little ones sneaking into my bed every night, intimacy has become nearly impossible. How do couples survive the demands of parenting? I know I’m “lucky” that my husband and I get to enjoy every other weekend together when my ex has the kids, but honestly, if we didn’t have that time, I’m not sure how our relationship would endure. I’m head over heels for him, but navigating parenthood today—especially with multiple children in a bustling city—feels like a recipe for marital strife and mental exhaustion.
Finding a Solution
So, what can be done? Perhaps we can team up with other moms to share the load, like trading off at curriculum nights and parent-teacher conferences. Maybe we could advocate for schools to reduce the barrage of communications and events. Should I just start skipping everything? But then, I’d miss out on connecting with anyone outside the world of cartoons. Maybe I should kick back and enjoy conversations with friends over the phone, 1950s-style, while the kids zone out in front of the TV. I hardly have time to chat with anyone except those moms I encounter during drop-offs and pickups, but I’m grateful for them; without that support, I wouldn’t make it through the day.
The truth is, I had all these kids because I genuinely adore them, and I want to spend time with them—snuggling, laughing, and playing. I didn’t sign up to be a family-management executive; I wanted to be a mom. I long to reclaim my right to sanity, to have moments just to be with my kids without getting tangled in a web of emails and reminders. Parenting shouldn’t feel like an office job filled with forms and logistics management. We need a break so we can be the nurturing caregivers we aspire to be.
Just yesterday, I received an email from the school asking me to send in empty toilet paper rolls. No. Just no! I can’t take on any more tasks. Instead, I’m taking my kids to the local bookstore for an hour of reading and coloring—time to just be with them. If that makes me a bad class mom, then so be it.
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Summary:
This article reflects on the overwhelming demands faced by modern parents, particularly mothers, who are caught in a relentless cycle of managing their children’s activities and schedules. The author longs for a simpler, more nurturing approach to parenting, where they can enjoy time with their kids without the burdens of endless emails and events. Ultimately, the author advocates for a movement to reclaim parental sanity and prioritize quality time over logistical chaos.