I never imagined I would find myself saying this, but I genuinely miss my ex-mother-in-law. It sounds odd, I know, yet the truth is that I think about her often, especially during the Thanksgiving season.
For the majority of my adult life, Thanksgiving was a time spent with my ex-husband Jake’s family. We began our relationship in college, and since my family lived too far away for frequent visits, our first Thanksgiving together was celebrated at Jake’s childhood home.
I vividly remember that initial Lawson family Thanksgiving even after two decades. Thirty guests filled the house, arriving hours before dinner. Food was abundant — turkey, ham, an array of pies, pickle trays, and chocolates were spread across every available surface. The sounds of football echoed from multiple televisions, while children played underfoot in the kitchen. Pets were everywhere. It was a lively, warm atmosphere, and the delicious aromas filled the air. I arrived feeling isolated and out of place but was quickly enveloped in the welcoming spirit of my future mother-in-law’s home.
The gathering lasted all day, with neighbors, relatives, friends, and various acquaintances all partaking in the festivities. The following day brought more fun, featuring leftover pie for breakfast and stacked turkey sandwiches for lunch and dinner. No one felt the need to rush off to their real-life obligations; we simply enjoyed being together.
This was in stark contrast to my family’s Thanksgiving traditions, which were more subdued. We gathered for turkey dinner and then returned to our routines after cleaning up. I had never realized what I was missing until I experienced my mother-in-law’s exuberant Thanksgivings. Kathy, my ex-mother-in-law, cherished this holiday and made sure everyone around her felt the same way.
Thanksgiving truly showcased the best of Kathy. From the beginning, she was nurturing, warm, and generous. Because I loved Jake, she accepted me as part of the family. A remarkable cook, she infused her dishes with love and memory, ensuring each family member’s favorites were present. She was exceedingly generous, often prompting me to caution her about spoiling our toddler, Alex (something she ignored, as all good grandmothers do). We spent countless weeks with my in-laws every year, traveling internationally and visiting their beautiful coastal town. Kathy and I spoke nearly every day, covering everything from parenting to career advice. I loved her deeply; she was like a second mother to me.
After Jake and I separated in the fall, I sent our children with him for Thanksgiving that year. It was their familiar celebration, and I didn’t want them to miss it. I felt an overwhelming sense of loss — for them, for Jake, and for Kathy. I was so distraught that I remained in bed for three days. I texted Kathy to express my love and gratitude for keeping our children safe. To my surprise, she called me. She expressed her gratitude for having me in her life.
Sadly, that was the last meaningful conversation we had.
In the years that followed, I continued to reach out to Kathy. I kept her updated on the kids, sent photos, and asked for her assistance when traveling. I sent birthday cards and flowers on Mother’s Day, signed from myself and the children, and occasionally requested her recipes. I still loved her for the incredible grandmother she was to our kids and the generous mother she had been to me.
However, our relationship has changed. Divorce creates ripples that affect everyone in the family, and each person navigates their journey in their own way. Just because Jake and I have found a better place doesn’t mean that my relationship with Kathy is restored. Our bond, which began through my marriage, now follows its own course. She exists in my heart as my mother only in memories.
As Thanksgiving approaches, I find myself feeling melancholic and a bit lost. For nearly 20 years, I shared this holiday with the Lawsons. I miss that bustling, dog-filled house and the tantalizing food. Most importantly, I miss my mother-in-law.
Yet, a piece of me remains her daughter, and she instilled valuable lessons in me. I now host my own Lawson Thanksgivings, filled with laughter, children, and warmth. I incorporate Kathy’s recipes and fill my counters with dishes reminiscent of her style. My eldest prepares the famous Lawson green bean casserole, and the not-so-little one bakes chocolate pecan pie. We fire up ovens throughout the neighborhood, and everyone brings a dog or two. Some things may have changed (no football here!), but the love and memories endure.
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In summary, while I miss my ex-mother-in-law deeply, I carry her spirit into my own Thanksgiving celebrations, ensuring her legacy of love and warmth continues.