As parents, it’s crucial to recognize that it’s not your responsibility to instruct your daughters on how to dress conservatively, or to warn them about parties, alcohol, and the complexities of hookup culture. It’s not your role to teach them to avoid walking alone at night—or at any time, for that matter. You shouldn’t have to advise them to keep their heads down while using public transportation or to claim they’re in a relationship just to evade unwanted attention. It’s not your duty to teach them to disregard catcalls or to suggest that smiling or being friendly might be misinterpreted as an invitation for something sexual. Providing your daughters with whistles, pepper spray, or sharp keys isn’t the answer, either.
For far too long, society has placed the burden of preventing inappropriate and often violent behavior on women and girls. From a young age, they’re conditioned to see themselves as potential victims or prey. Whether it’s avoiding certain streets due to past experiences or sticking together in groups at social events to fend off harassment, women live in a constant state of vigilance.
As a mother of two boys, I often contemplate how they will navigate their teenage and adult years. I reflect on the troubling encounters I’ve had with men and wonder if my sons will harbor similar attitudes. While I understand that parents aren’t solely responsible for their children’s actions, it’s clear that friends, societal norms, and media narratives all shape how boys perceive and treat women.
Moreover, I recognize the vulnerabilities that young men face in today’s world. The thought of anything happening to my sons is distressing. The stigma surrounding male victims of sexual abuse needs to be addressed, and I will never minimize anyone’s experience, irrespective of their gender. However, given that women are disproportionately affected by sexual assault and domestic violence, I feel compelled to encourage other parents of boys to take action.
It’s imperative that we teach our sons that “no means no,” and equally important to clarify that “yes doesn’t always mean yes.” We need to educate them that viewing a drunk girl as an easy target is unacceptable. It’s essential to explain that even compliments can be seen as harassment, and that no one should be touched without explicit consent. We must instill the understanding that gestures like buying gifts or treating a woman to dinner do not imply any obligation for sexual favors. Hair pulling, bra snapping, and butt pinching are never acceptable behaviors—it’s time to eradicate the notion that such actions are harmless jokes. Our sons need to know that their reputation pales in comparison to a woman’s dignity.
Additionally, we must teach our sons to discourage harmful behaviors among their peers, rather than enabling them. Sharing private photos and boasting about sexual conquests perpetuates a culture that disrespects and devalues women. It is our responsibility to create a better environment for our daughters by fostering respect and empathy in our sons.
The “boys will be boys” mentality must end. We need to confront the entitlement we may have inadvertently nurtured in our sons, and recognize how it shapes their views of women. Girls—and those who care for them—should not have to bear the burden of ensuring their own safety.
When I come across memes depicting fathers of daughters threatening violence against any boy who dares to approach their little girl, I feel a profound sadness. It’s disheartening that, even now, society often views boys as predators and girls as victims. This narrative must change.
Fellow parents of boys, let’s commit to raising respectful men. Let’s ensure that their female friends, colleagues, and family members no longer have to live in fear of harassment or worse. We owe it to our children to teach them how to treat women with respect, so that you don’t have to instruct your daughters on how to stay safe. This is our shared responsibility.
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In summary, it is crucial for parents to recognize their role in shaping the behaviors and attitudes of their sons towards women. By focusing on respect and empathy, we can create a safer environment for our daughters and foster a generation of better men.